Radar has hired Spencer Pratt, the blond, cherubic Hills star with a heart of darkness, as their new advice columnist. "Yo Spencer!," which will tackle "problems from hot girls to family affairs," will debut in the next issue. (A sneak preview of the first column, which answers questions about smelly co-workers, girls who like threesomes, and whether one should discourage one's brother from enlisting in the army, is after the jump.) "Spencer is never afraid to speak his mind," Radar editor-in-chief Maer Roshan says in the press release. "When asking for advice, it's good to have someone who will be brutally honest with you, and tell it like it is." Sure, because that worked out really well for Heidi. You can e-mail Spencer, or whoever's writing his column, about your problems at firstname.lastname@example.org, though it might take him a while to get back to you, since we predict that mailbox will be full of "You're a douche bag" messages in, oh, ten to twenty minutes.