Gawker

I don't remember this scene from Cloverfield.

mr. denton, I already apologized for questioning your wisdom in posting the emily brill photos. I took my lashings like a big girl. I even cut my own switch! must you continue to punish me? because it is terribly cruel of you to promise hot kristen girl-on-girl action and then provide absolutely no actual action whatsoever.

I wish I knew what song they were grinding too. I'm going to put the dance re-mix of "Dancing Queen" on my stereo and watch it again.

I really, really, really want to watch this.

"Oh, hi Mr. Human Resources Representative. You want me to step away from the computer?"

Crap, I'll see it at home.

@the supergoddess: Is it not worth watching? I'm leaving it to your judgment. The title is a total tease, isn't it. Fuck.

Can we include the phrase "troubled prostitute" in these posts?

Yep, that's how my momma caught daddy's eye... dancing with her maid.

I think it's safe to say that Ashley has now created more value for the media than she ever earned on her own. But it's not exploitive if it's also promotional!

C'mon, Nick... You missed Eva Braun's "sexy fraulein dance" on DasVurTubes?

Dear Mr. Denton,

Please don't use phrases like "Girl-on-Girl Video Action" unless you plan to deliver.

Sincerely,
The Readership

Before Spitzergate is all said and done, I suspect Gawker will have us BEGGING for the return of round-the-clock Allison coverage.

@koala325: But it wasted my time and made me nauseous like Cloverfield.

@fiveinchtaint: It's more like "Girl-Near-Girl."

Also, Madame du Barry posted a bunch of salacious bikini pics on MonSpace.

@fiveinchtaint: honestly? no. I have whatever the lady equivalent of blue balls is. y'all are better off clicking my avatar if you need a friday afternoon pick me up.

[single tear of pride rolling down cheek]

I know of a state that's a perfect playland with white sandy beaches by the sea;
With fun-filled mountains, lakes and parks, and folks with hospitality;
With historic towns where battles were fought, and presidents have made their home;
It's called New Jersey, and I toast and tout it wherever I may roam. 'Cause . . .

First Chorus
I'M FROM NEW JERSEY and I'm proud about it, I love the Garden State.
I'M FROM NEW JERSEY and I want to shout it, I think it's simply great.
All of the other states throughout the nation may mean a lot to some;
But I wouldn't want another, Jersey is like no other, I'm glad that's where I'm from.

Second Chorus
If you want glamour, try Atlantic City or Wildwood by the sea;
Then there is Trenton, Princeton, and Fort Monmouth, they all made history.
Each little town has got that certain something, from High Point to Cape May;
And some place like Mantoloking, Phillipsburg, or Hoboken will steal your heart away.

i had the bed covered in visqueen, my naked body soaked frim head to toe in baby oil, and was all ready to wank one furiously. instead, my cock just recoiled inward like a turtle does back into its shell.

nick, you're a gay, so you probably don't know what real "girl on girl" action is, so from here forward, just run them by me before you cockblock our masturbatory bliss once again.

@Macloserboy:
Ha!

@Furious George: @the cajun boy: threesome? might as well make the most of this little game of mr. denton's.

@the supergoddess: Zut alors!

Foiled again by Gawker lies! Lies!

@the supergoddess: if we're gonna be DPing, i call dibs on the butt!

For once, I wish 'd just been rickroll'd.

This sauce, it is weak.

@Furious George: babylove, I just asked you to slap me in another thread. GIDDYUP!
@the cajun boy: oh honey, I know you've never @'d me before but you are familiar with my oeuvre, correct? if? come now. when.

Playing the video with Dancing Queen in the background did not make it any better. Actually, it made it much worse.

@the supergoddess: I click your avatar every afternoon as it is....

@the supergoddess: we should totally hijack this thread and turn it our little sex chat room!

WTF, where's the "ASL" at?

Right now, millions of MySpace users are watching and thinking "she's just like me."

I think they're dancing to Taylor Dayne's "Tell It To My Heart".

Thanks for that Totally Safe For Work break.

When do we get to see her pap smear?

@the supergoddess: Maybe we need to demonstrate for Mr. Denton what the "on" in "girl on girl" really means?

@Furious George: I think a more accurate description would be "Girl-in-proximity-to-girl-action," except I you need a less active word than "action."

I do think, however, that the "new era in trashy journalism" is deftly encapsulated by the medium of choice: embedded flash of a camcorder video of a cameraphone video. Certainly beats the old days when we all we had was 8mm film of hand puppet re-enactments.

@the supergoddess: I am not ashamed to say that I have pleasures myself more than once while beholding that glimpse of nipple through your whiskey bottle. I thank you.

@the cajun boy: yes please oh please! I presume you'll need a supergoddess primer?

likes: spankings, flayings, verbal abuse, black eyes, fishnets and pink sparkles!
dislikes: men who cry in bed, people who don't play my sexy reindeer games, being ignored.
@Tammany_Fall: what? I couldn't hear you - your thighs are clenched too tight around my skull!

@JMacNYC: @Don Is: awwww!

@Don Is: Alright. That's disgusting. Even for me.

Mr. Denton that is a pure example of a Bait-And-Switch hook. Shameful! The conduct in that video, meanwhile, isn't. Sadly.

@Don Is: Fuck. Fuck. *pleasured.

I guess Fleshbot originally rejected this footage, and it ended up here. I've seen sexier footage on the main page of Yahoo!.

Gawker is using this girl's likeness and story for the sake of more page views and in turn, increased ad revenue. Incredible. With all that she's been through you guys can't resist pimping her out even more. Will Gawker be there after the nation moves on to the next scandal, after she has coked through all her Penthouse and book advance money and she's back slinging ass on the street? I don't think so. You people make me sick.

@moneyries: Okay, you're right. I meant to be ironic, rather than deceptive. Didn't come across. I've changed the headline. Girl-Near-Girl Video Action. That's better.

@the supergoddess:
Mrrrmmmmnmmmmmmmmmmmmmppphhhhhmmmoooo. (Translation: "And I can't reply to you because you're sitting on my face.")

@TheHonJudgeSmails: I was going for creepy but charming, but I guess disgusting will have to do.

Not to worry. I will bet there is a lot more where this didn't come from.

@La Cieca: Speak for yourself, goodwife La Cieca. I recall a most diverting puppet show in Boston, in which young Abigail Adams was given quite the send-up for her cheek! That'll show her to flash ankle in a house of worship! Ha ha!

@Nick Denton: Sometimes you are adorable. Am I right people?

@Furious George: What drugs are you on? And will they make me funnier?

@Nick Denton: now my feelings are hurt, mr. denton. you respond to that trollop moneyries and not me? I SAID I DISLIKE BEING IGNORED. plus, you still haven't thanked me properly for getting everyone to call you mister denton. humph! maybe I don't wanna be head intern anymore! maybe I'll go to radar! (omigod no I didn't mean it don't look at me like that I promise I'll never leave you mr. denton noooooo!!!!)

@Don Is: Creepy but charming is the act I've been trying to hone my entire life. Glad to meet a fellow-traveller.

fine, but you know that in three years we'll be watching the VH-1 reality series Hook-her Up: Can Ashley Find Love in a House Full of Johns?

@belltolls: I'm not sure. I just walk into the emergency room every now and then and announce that my chest feels heavy and I can't feel my left arm. That's how you get the good stuff!

@Unfun: Agreed. Although he was indirectly responsible for bringing us together, so he gets a pass for most things.

@Furious George: I am not given to sycophantism, but you young fellow are an artist.

@belltolls: Thank you! My guidance counselor always used to tell me I was "severely artistic." But he was from Jersey, so he'd always say it really funny!

It's obvious they're dancing to "What We Want." That explains why they start cracking up 15 seconds in.

@VirusWithShoes: Well he must be special to get you to agree with me. I know how you feel about Englishmen.