After Paris Hilton went to jail for violating her drunk driving probation, she lied to America and Africa and basically the entire planet. She promised Larry King, global news demigod, that nightclubs would no longer be the focus of her life. She vowed to stop hanging out with opportunists. She said she was going to build a transitional home for lady criminals. She even promised to visit Rwanda and multiple other gross countries to do charity-type things, such as stuff for children. Everyone everywhere was touched, so Harvard students gave her a very special award. But then MTV offered the opportunist socialite a reality show, and Hilton dropped all those loving sacrifice plans, and the Times today exposed her wrongdoing. Hilton promises she will get around to the selfless stuff eventually, but we know she is lying, so let's just look at her past lies and die a little bit inside:

Paris lying to Larry King in June:

  • "God does make everything happen for a reason. And it gave me, you know, a time-out in life just to really find out what is important and what I want to do, figuring out who I am."
  • "I've been a little immature in the past and made some wrong choices. But I've learned from them and I think that makes me the person I am today."
  • "I've gotten rid of a lot of people. I think — especially being in Los Angeles, there is a lot of people out here that like people for certain reasons, and I don't want people who are not going to be beneficial to my life, who don't want positive things in my life. "
  • King: "Have you ever... taken drugs?" Paris: "No." King: "Never taken drugs?" Paris: "No."
  • "I want to help set up a place where these women can get themselves back on their feet. A place with food, shelter and clothing and programs, kind of a transitional home. I know I can make a difference and hopefully stop this vicious circle of these people going in and out of jail."
  • "Because they told me the average amount for a woman going in there, into Lynwood is 7.3 times."

Paris lying to E! Online (for shame!) in September:

  • "I'll be going [to Rwanda] in November, after I get back from filming my movie."
  • "There's so much need in that area, and I feel like if I go, it will bring more attention to what people can do to help."
  • "I want to visit more countries where poverty and children's issues are a big concern... I know there's a lot of good I can do just by getting involved and bringing attention to these issues."

The Times today:

  • "Paris Hilton vows that she will make that promised charity trip to Rwanda."
  • "And she definitely plans to build that transitional home for women leaving prison that she spoke so enthusiastically about last summer when she was released from jail."
  • "But after also pledging at the time of her parole to rid herself of all those hangers-on "who are not going to be beneficial in my life," Ms. Hilton, the socialite-actress, first has to take care of some other business."
  • "Namely, finding a new BFF, or 'best friend forever' in the language of the texting, instant-messaging, nothing-lasts-forever generation. And what better way to do so than with a new reality television show?"
  • "'I'm a really good judge of character,' Ms. Hilton said, 'so I can tell' who will measure up to her standards."
  • "'We're going to be doing all the fun things I do: going to Vegas, going out, teaching them how to be on the town, see if they can get into clubs,' she said. 'Just the usual things that we all do.'"