Did you know that Perez Hilton is "the gay Latino Oprah?" Or that he totally launched the singer Amy Winehouse? It's true because it's on television! Financial news network CNBC has discovered Perez and decided he is an increasingly important part of the dysfunctional American economy, so we all continue to be doomed. After the jump, gay Latino Oprah explains his appeal in a report that will be seen by powerful businessmen everywhere and probably trigger the next financial panic.

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