Mr. Bottomtooth?

Like a Eurasian Oblong of Maximum Danger.

@In Other News...: Hi there!

With that (ahem) background, she could've splurged for an ogee. Or at least a beveled edge.

Like a pair of cats struggling in a gunny sack?

Hope it is not from sitting in the Boardroom.

@DorothyMantooth: O hai. I've been waiting for an opening. So, thank you Ivanka!

@belltolls: You know what? It's the luckiest chair in the Boardroom.

Rectangular. Not regular. Right?

I'd be afraid that Joey Combover, her father, has her tail guarded by paid thugs who beat anyone who disapproves of her behind.

@In Other News...: I have a secret crush on her and also the lady from Top Chef with the scar.

Is her bottom "Regularly Shaped" (as in the headline) or "rectangularly shaped" (as in the item)?

This is a job for a copy editor... or a geometrician.

I'm surprised she flies commercial and not private.

@belltolls: Why secret?

@Conbon: Ain't much of a secret no mo'.

@Conbon: Oops, I forgot I was online. I just like to keep my pretend TV friends seperate from my real-life pretend friends.

@DorothyMantooth: anonymous secret

@FracturedAcetabulum: I say we run out and tell everyone he knows!

@DorothyMantooth: It's okay, Bell. I had a crush on Andrea from "90210."

@DorothyMantooth: Oops!

@belltolls: Bell, I was crushin' on Gabrielle Carteris.

@In Other News...: Got to be more careful what I say. Some people here like to talk. I'll stop now.

@TedSez: copy editors are out, didn't you hear?

Oh, that's an easy one. That shape is caused tiny coffins of the chinchillas they sacrifice weekly to populate The Donald's scalp.

@In Other News...: @belltolls: Aw, c'mon, you guys! I've actually admitted on these very pages that I had a(n unironic) crush on Oates! Oates!!!
We're all family here.

@McCheeburger: ...and then she sits in the coffins?
Has them made into a skirt?

I do not think your chinchilla-wig coffin-sitting theory is very well thought-out, my friend.

@DorothyMantooth: Laughed when I thought you meant Joyce Carol and then louder when I clicked. But just to clarify, I would be just as happy with Ryan's posts on the history of historical writing or public service journalism but I got the Ivanka's rectangle post and now I have a boat to catch. Great.

I don't know about rectangular, but I hear he is power bottom. Wait, we are talking about the British guy, right?

@DorothyMantooth:
No, silly, she puts them in her bloomers and then takes them overseas where they can be buried in secrecy. Note that our stalker caught her going through security at LaGuardia. Can you imagine the enormity of the scandal if a lowly airport rent-a-cop was caught groping Ms. Trump's behind!?

It's not only well thought out, it's a fact!

Copy editors are out, along with English-speaking writers. But maybe that means we can hire some cheap for Gawker!

In the meantime, I corrected the entire everything. Apologies to Ivanka's bottom.

I prefer trapezoidal asses, personally.

I want to know more about what this inbred English boy looks like...sounds fascinating!

@Ryan Tate: If Gawker ever brings back its T-shirt line, "Apologies to Ivanka's bottom" will be the top-seller.

@FracturedAcetabulum:Ya know, its been driving me crazy for months -- on and off -- trying to remember where your name came from. A movie line? Story? Monty Python?

It's a rhomb-ass.

"Ms. Trump's attempts to return to her condo in the luxurious new Trump Pineapple Under the Sea were hampered by her breasts' surprising bouyancy."

@Ryan Tate: Either LaGuardia has a rectangular ass or you have a dangling modifier, Night Editor!

The rectangularly shaped bottom was obviously a cash box stuffed into her panties. She's got a regular route these days, trading dollars for Euros, until the U.S. economy improves.

@mathnet: Participle?

BURN

@slimceagirl: What if he's Pete Doherty? Wouldn't it be loverly?

@belltolls: @DorothyMantooth: I would like to thank you for not putting me down about my Carteris crush. Because everyone in high school did.

Well, at least she doesn't have a triangulass.

There's nothing worse than a triangulass. Except maybe a rhombutt.

@I_Think_Its_A_Pomeranian: Ooh, even better. Didn't see that.

I dated a woman once who had a great big badonka-dodecahedron.

@MisterHippity: (Admiral Ackbar voice)

"IT'S A TRAPEZOID!!!"

@mathnet:
It took you 16 minutes to think that over?

@In Other News...: Actually I did notice a shot on Celebrity Apprentice where her bottom looked like the hypotenuse was a little out of whack but we forgive these things in the ones we love.

@McCheeburger: Ha!! Poor, hairy chinchillas. So ignominious...

BTW, "it's [also] a fact" that I totally love you if you were referencing this:

+ Watch video

When did we migrate away from fruit as body type descriptors?

@In Other News...: Awww! Honey!!
She was, like, 32 then. It's positively Kutcheresque!
(Kutcherian?)

@BalknChain: I believe it was 1986's 9-1/2 Weeks, in which John (Mickey Rourke) refers to Elizabeth's (Kim Basinger) "heart-shaped ass."

You're welcome.

@BalknChain: Read that you can grow square fruit but you have to do it in a box.