Of course she's also in a lawsuit over "Bonkers." Of course she is. God, I love these Spoogleman weekends.

+ Watch video

"Creaky senior sex." Good morning, world!

ZOMG, maybe it's just me, but she's got Ozzie Crazy Eyes 10X worse than Ozzie -- and she's not on stage -- and mostly, I don't care about you, crazy-eyed woman!

Don't youever youtube again! EVER!

Does the "Good Egg" tag on the YouTube clip refer to her eyes? Scary.

You notice how we never see Trisha Walsh-Smith and Chris Crocker in the same Youtube video, ever!

"We're filming for Youtube." Lulz.

Also, VF? Wtf?

I love how the British say condoms...

Madam,

I was once a pharmacy technician. Stay with me, it gets better.

So, Viagra was placed on the market. I was a young'un and yet every old man in [redacted] thought I would go out to dinner with them. I was so nice, they said, and they had viagra, you know?

That first year, we lost a couple of our older male patients to the cause. See, you can't take Viagra with heart medications. Consequently, these men stopped taking their heart medication.

One last case in point--the local (and quite famous) retirement community has one of the highest STD rates in the country. And people die having sex there, too. Locals snicker and simply say, "Ah, Viagra."

Moral of the story--you can't keep a hard man down. Next time someone tells you they can't have sex because of their blood pressure....walk away, dear. Walk away.

Your schoolmarm,

Theda

@htotheomo: I know, right?

She should ask what he wants done with the white plastic TV in the kitchen. I hate when people put a white plastic TV in the kitchen.

I saw this yesterday and wondered why anyone would care to watch it.

And her eyes scare me.

I don't know which is more entertaining: this woman's plea for help -- advertising an unconsumated marriage will probably not help her get more money out of the old bugger -- or Graydon's GWB Countdown Clock.

@belltolls:

"She should ask what he wants done with the white plastic TV in the kitchen. I hate when people put a white plastic TV in the kitchen." (emphasis mine)

If not plastic, precisely what material do you feel appropriate for the manufacture of televisions?

I'd certainly join you in your reproach were it all possible to find a television made from seaweed, say, or mohair.

Lord knows, I've personally tried countless times to "rehouse" televisions in something more eye-catching and pleasant than plastic.

I tried covering our old RCA in this marvelous rust-colored moss I found in the forest but while we were watching the McNeil-Lehrer News Hour the television burst into flames and filled the den with vile-smelling smoke.

@Hamud: Flat screen LCD.

Wrapped with bacon.

@Hamud: Oh shit. Sorry.

@htotheomo:

If you're going to wrap a television in bacon you might as well splurge -- and this would be deliriously festive for holiday times -- and beneath the bacon do alternating layers of water chestnuts and grilled chicken livers.

A well-chilled rosé de Sancerre to go with?

Am if off-base? Everyone agree?

Lord knows that I'd personally drink kerosene after exhausting myself by wrapping a television in bacon, chicken livers, and water chestnuts. But I really like to think of my guests and what would please them.

That's what true hospitality is all about, isn't it?

@htotheomo: Ha! A luxuriant, shiny grizzly pelt, perhaps?

@Hamud: Bakelite?

@Hamud: None of my business but do you have a white plastic TV in your kitchen?

@Hamud: You take my Hemingway-esque brevity and elongate it to Dickensonian proportions. As only you could.

As for the bacon, one could simply purchase a Vietnamese pot-bellied pig and watch TV with it.

Go to the source, people.

Maybe coat it in vaseline like that Cremaster guy(Barney, I think?)
does his sculptures.

@gawksFromaRock:

Coating a Vietnamese pot-bellied pig in Vaseline is practically de rigueur in rustic communities where "greased pig" contests are an integral part of social events.

TV-watching is so dreadfully contrary to the convivial spirit of rustic hospitality that it's rather presumptuous to mention pig-greasing in this context.

@Hamud: My "rustic hospitality" involves not cleaning up or putting on pants. And TV keeps me company so much these days that I will have to ask you to please not speak that way about my "boyfriend." (Otherwise, he may never propose!)

Oh honey you should go back to London you'd be perfect for a barmaid on East Enders.
For a guy who's worth so much money that's a VERY lowbrow apartment with Very lower middle class taste in interior decoration,and the kitchen is all wrong.

No she's not a socialite!

that marriage was all about lemon tarts & creaky senior sex. her platform: "I should be paid more I'm a wife!" (not a spitzer-diamond hooker) his platform: "if you could read the prenup, I wouldn't have married you"

@Hamud: I love you very much.

True story: The Andy Griffith Show (B&W) just made me crinkly-faced.

@htotheomo: Aw... Don't feel bad. Everytime the Beaver unwittingly tells that little Spanish kid Usted tiene una cara como puerco, I really wanna sock Eddie Haskell right in the kisser.

This video is like crack to me. My favorite part:

"Oh, another thing? We never had sex."

BLACKOUT.

Not to nitpick (I have already said, in private, all I can possibly say on the subject of TW-S's truly insane performance and I am about commented out) but it's "Shubert."

BTW-- she's 24th on the "subscribed" list on YouTube. And people say the theatre is dying...