How To Get Laid At The Beatrice Inn

Shia LaBeouf stars in the upcoming revival of the Indiana Jones franchise, and the young Hollywood star has twice made the cover of Vanity Fair. At Manhattan's babe central, the Beatrice Inn, he should have as much certainty of romantic success as a Sultan in a harem. And yet, according to Page Six, the spurned actor was overheard whining: "How do I get a girl to go home with me?" Well, first of all, not by whining. But LaBeouf's is still a valid question, so we tapped some regulars at the West Village nightspot for advice. Here are the six rules.

  1. Get in. One former gossip columnist says Beatrice girls are easy because the door policy is so tight. They assume that any man with the pull to get past the door is also powerful or interesting enough to be worth a conversation, at least.
  2. Show up with a celebrity. "Like Josh Hartnett or Josh Lucas or Kate Moss, any Beatrice regular. Approach an attractive girl after they've seen you sitting with said celebrity and subtly mention how you know them." (Obviously, don't mention any friendship with that whining loser, Shia LaBeouf.)
  3. Ply with alcohol. "Offer to buy them one of the Beatrice house cocktails. It's dark pink, contains champagne and pomegranate juice, and girls adore it."
  4. Flout the rules. "Smoke, and don't get chastized for it. When a girl sees you smoking without that little busboy guy telling you to put it out, you look like a regular, like someone they can't mess with. On the upper level, sit on top of the booth, as in all the way on top and survey the crowd while smoking. Girls always come and sit next to guys like this to bum cigarettes, and to sit atop that perch to feel cool or something. "
  5. Flout the rules some more. The Beatrice bathrooms have a stern injunction against the use of illegal substances but, late at night, people generally enter in groups. And, by people, we mean Josh Hartnett and his friends. What did LaBoeuf do wrong? "He strikes me as a pothead," says one Beatrice cutie.
  6. Be a good dancer. "Don't be grabby, cheesy or over-the-top. Just dance well and ask the girl you like, I love this song! Let's go see if there's room to dance up there. If there is, dance but not too close to her, and grab her hand for a twirl or dip once or twice."