Gawker
The movie-going public is experiencing an endless continuum of superhero summers, a trend that doesn't look to be abating any time this decade. The occasional comic-cum-movie is an artistic success, but generally the final product is nothing but a debacle, the latest of which is Sin City creator Frank Miller's mission to ruin comics legend Will Eisner's classic The Spirit. As bad as The Spirit with cell phones might well be, it pales next to the specter of forthcoming adaptations of the already troubled The Incredible Hulk, and the rest of the in-production or planned films ripped from comic book pages: Wolverine, Watchmen, Iron Man, Atlantis Rising, Green Lantern, Wonder Woman, Nick Fury, Madman, Hack/Slash, Largo Winch, Luke Cage, Whiteout, Wanted, Magneto, Superman: Man of Steel, The Sub-Mariner, Punisher: War Zone, Hellboy 2, Sin City 2, and Spiderman 4, just to name a few. There are absolutely worthy properties here, but the majority of these features will fade away like so many Daredevils. But fear not, Hollywood. Here are four comics tailor-made for the screen that may eventually be needed to bring the genre back to life.
Love and Rockets
What's it about? What isn't it about? In one of the first important alternative comics of the 80s, Gilbert and Jaime Hernandez perfected a brand of engaging, sexy, comic family that makes Tyler Perry look like a prop comic. Originally self-published by these two brilliant brothers, Love and Rockets found a niche as an evolving, chaotic work of genius that spans both of the Americas. Choosing one story would be difficult, but the mystery set in the fictional town of Palomar might be the perfect place to start.
Who should star and direct? Even the visual style of the Hernandez brothers fits King of the Hill creator Mike Judge, and instead he is wasting years of his life on movies like the Luke Wilson-Maya Rudolph comedy Idiocracy. Judge is laboring on another television show in the interim, and when he decides to come back to the big screen L & R should be the reason. Casting a bunch of total unknowns for this would be a stroke of genius. My office will bill your office, Mike.
Thunderbolts: Faith In Monsters
What's it about? Prolific comic book scripter Warren Ellis' version of Thunderbolts is the story of a bunch of supervillains forcibly conscripted by the U.S. government to apprehend rogue superheroes. The unlikely and largely unknown team of Swordsman, Venom, Bullseye, Moonstone, Songbird, Penance and Radioactive Man won't win in the name recognition category. The dark and funny concept is the key here, turning the traditional structure of superheroes on their head. Thunderbolts may have to wait until the genre collapses in on itself and is in need of a shake-up.
Who should star and direct? Ellis' group of villains are led by Spiderman's Norman Osborn, and since Willem Dafoe's version of him is relegated to cable, a suitable replacement would be to resurrect the classic performance of Greg Kinnear's Captain Amazing character from Mystery Men as the team leader. I'll also have to see if the guy who directed Clue is still alive, I am imagining a similar comical/scary vibe. Victory! John Landis is still kicking.
Potential
What's it about? By all rights Potential is the way that Juno soundtracker Kimya Dawson should have been widely exposed to the American-moviegoing public. A coming of age story about a young lesbian girl by L Word writer Ariel Schrag, Potential doesn't need the traditional contrivances (pregnancy, wedding, love triangle) to be a uniquely moving story of an unrequited love. May 6 was supposed to mark the move back into print for this astonishing book, but it's already freely available on Amazon again. Potential has the potential to not only be a hilarious journey through adolescence, but a story that actually helps young people find themselves.
Who should star and direct? Since Ellen Page's handlers will be keeping her at least 50 feet away from this project at all times, and time travel isn't available to use a young Natalie Portman as the object of desire, how about Juno co-star Olivia Thirlby? She's naturally funny and winning. I guess Todd Solondz would probably ruin this project, but a more sincere film might challenge his critics and he doesn't appear to be working on anything except his own self-loathing.
Marvel 1602
What's it about? Plans for a Justice League movie have fallen apart out of serious fear about how much money the studio that greenlit this project would be making. In all seriousness, the presence of Superman, Batman and the rest that would require so much star power the production would probably just break down into an extremely competitive circle jerk (2-to-1 odds on Brandon Routh in that one). Instead of having to hire a 16 person continuity commission, they could just go with with this slightly different version of the familiar superheroes of the Marvel Universe. This historically fascinating Neil Gaiman-conceived project is perfect for the big screen, and only requires Nick Fury, the Fantastic Four, the X-Men and Captain America. That's pocket change compared to Batman and Superman.
Who should direct and star? It's no shock Lord Steven Spielberg hasn't jumped on the superhero train, but since Shia LaBoeuf isn't exactly scoring in bars, I could see them teaming up again down the road. (Shia as Captain America? No. Nick Fury? Nooo. Wolverine's little brother Wolvy? Yes.) Unfortunately, Spielberg seems committed to the Abbie Hoffman movie Chicago 7. If he can't get the stars required to make Marvel 1602 happen, no one can.
Comments
Pals 'n Gals Double Digest #42 would make a great movie.
Personally, I'm excited for Jughead 4: Reggie Returns.
Oh, come on. How could you leave out Nancy and Sluggo?
@Ha Ha Sound: ARCHIE-RELATED MIND MELD.
"Watchmen" and "Hellboy 2" have some serious potential.
A lot of "The Thunderbolts" is pretty crappy though. The Civil War series where they were born really dropped like a dud in the second half. And when they made Speedball into Penance in the most ham-handed and stupid way possible, the comic world let out a fart that stank of derision. And burritos.
What about Ed the Happy Clown? Unfilmable, I guess. But I'd pay good money to see Ronald Regean's head on some guy's penis.
Since a good-size chunk of the fun of 1602 was all the in-jokes, I am not at all convinced it's a well-considered choice for a mainstream summer blockbuster.
Anyway, this argument was already really boring back when it was about music. Eight days to Iron Man! And Daredevil was a perfectly entertaining movie!
Lost Girls by Alan Moore. Best. Porn. EVER!!! Who to cast though?
Anyone?
Bueller?
How can you neglect the inclusion of a Dazzler movie, based on her self titled comic, replete with roller disco and eye catching lycra leotards? Or a Mojo movie? Seriously, though I would kill for a live action Deadpool.
@LauraElizabeth: The Watchmen was an astonishingly good piece of work. It's still amazing today. I think it will be a very, very good movie. Of course, if they mess it up, I will burn down their studio.
Okay, listen closely and I'll lay some wisdom on you Carnevale. One word: "Miracleman".
dude, they made love and rockets already. just changed the title.
now it is better known as any film made by andrew bujalski, aaron katz or joe swanburg.
@mitchel_stevens:
that said, the logistics of doing something like Thunderbolts--i.e. legal back stuff, getting rights, etc--is a nightmare.
They should be smart and make Powers into either an animated mini-series or just throw balls to the wall and give us a real Savage Dragon live-action flick.
@moff: Daredevil was the Greg Gutfeld of action movies.
I'm holding out hope for this next installment of the Hulk. Solely because Ed Norton is pretty much the greatest actor of all time (fact).
Little Dot and Little Lulu: 2 Girlz in Love
A family melodrama, an obscure dark comedy, a character study, and a period piece? Good luck.
@FitnessMadeSimple: He's not even the best actor in a Marvel movie this summer. Downey, Jr. FTW.
@mitchel_stevens: Hilarious.
@Pope John Peeps II: Hulk was terrible. Fantastic Four was mediocre, but charming. Daredevil, however, is structurally sound and entertaining, and will be enjoyed by future audiences who don't reflexively associate it with the Ben Affleck backlash.
Which came first, 40 Year Old Virgin or Garfield without Garfield?
@Conbon: GASP! What did you say??? You sir are an anonymous coward and I hereby challenge you to a duel.
@LauraElizabeth: The Watchmen is looking like it could be an amazingly good movie.
Personally, I'd like to see both Preacher (perhaps focusing on the earlier portin of the series...I don't think many religous groups would be too keen on the ending) and Y: The Last Man made into movies. Constantine did well enough that they are apprently making a second, and I firmly believe it was Ennis' revival of The Punisher that brought about the much better movie adaptation.
Iron Man looks really cool, but also really cheesy. Watchmen will probably be too difficult for Hollywood not to ruin.
@moff: The Daredevil defender. We hardly knew ye. It's hard to watch Ben Affleck in this role, yes, but it's even harder to watch them sleepily adapt one of the greatest characters ever created.
Lost Girls is a great, great idea which would jack up the resale value of my copy well into, say, 2052.
@FitnessMadeSimple: Furthermore, Tony Stark makes a cameo in "The Incredible Hulk," so Norton isn't even the best actor in his own movie. Bring it.
@moff: I thought Fantastic Four was so not charming. I can only tolerate so much divergence from the source materials and that Alba woman is one of the worst things to happen to contemporary Hollywood. No comment on Daredevil but Elektra made my soul bleed.
TES. 1602 Would be awesome.
@valarmorghulis: You couldn't possibly make a good Preacher movie. Theres just too much going on. They'd end up butchering it. It would have to be a six hour movie.
@valarmorghulis:
Preacher is one of the best things ever done in the medium, but it'd have to be a miniseries or something. Too bad HBO is more into penises right now. See what I did there?
TES=YES
@valarmorghulis: @Pope John Peeps II: The shots of the sets and the costumes (I think they might have been posted on io9, but you can find them online) that have been released so far look incredible. I have faith!
@moff:
you know what the best part of Daredevil was?
The 4 hour making-of-behind-the-scenes feature on the 2 disc DVD.
that's it. that was infinitely more interesting than the film. seeing 50 kinds of red and leather were more interesting than watching ben affleck's contacts and poorly done hair dye.
and Ang Lee's Hulk was awesome.
@moff: Oh come ON. Daredevil was crap. Or did I dream the retarded, poorly animated CGI fight where affleck and that irish dude jumped 400 feet up a pipe organ so monstrously big that it must have erupted from pipe organ hell? How can it fit inside any building much less an ordinary church?
Or what about that truly Shakespearean dialogue. "How do you kill a man without fear? You put the fear IN him." (WHAT the FUCK? He's not afraid of things. How do you give him fear? That's just stupid.)
Grrrr. Daredevil. Stop ruining my childhood, everything.
wait. i'm an idiot.
you know what NEEDS to be made into film?
Waldo's Hawaiian Vacation.
@valarmorghulis: I think 'The Watchmen' is going to be fantastic. Otherwise, heads will roll. The mere unveiling of a poster for the movie caused total pandemonium at SD Comic-Con last year. There will be a GD nerd riot.
I saw clips of 'Whiteout' last year and I think it's going to be pretty good.
And I would DIE if they made 'Y: The Last Man' into a film. Fantastic.
Personally, i could go for a film adaptation of 'Heavy Liquid.'
@Ha Ha Sound: pair it with richie rich
@valarmorghulis: Y: The Last Man is set up at New Line, Preacher has been in development forever, most recently at HBO, I think.
@adminslave: I'm thinking a Dazzler movie would go over well with the hipsters.
When they make "Porky" from Class Comics into a movie, I will head back to the theaters again. Until then it's just me and my VCR.
[www.classcomics.com]
Frank Miller's Ronin would be a cool adaptation too.
I've been pining for a Bondage Fairies adaptation starring Megan Fox and Scarlett Johansen.
@moff: "Perfectly entertaining"?
I'm just gonna assume that this is another one of those "jokes" you're so famous for making.
Two Words: Alien Legion.
Two More Words: Alpha Flight.
@carnevale & Bell County: Nope, you're both wrong, and I am right. Q.E.D. There, that proves it.
@mitchel_stevens: I'm used to people being wrong about Daredevil, Stevens, and not right like I am, but if you're going to refer to that turd-monster birthed from the popped zit of a anthropomorphized pile of vomit as "awesome," well, we're going to have to agree to let me kick your face in with a pair of ax-boots.
Oh, oh, somebody good should do Charles Burns' Black Hole! Maybe the Donnie Darko guy.
@Pope John Peeps II & DorothyMantooth: It's weird how you guys are smart and have excellent taste, but I'm still smarter and my taste is better.