Here is this week's roundup of the Sci-Fi Channel's rocking space opera Battlestar Galactica, from notes I took last night from deep within a liter of Johnny Walker Red Lable. (And here are the other weeks.) Could be spoilers, could maybe not be—how would I know?

• Ooh... Jesus Doctor in kinky bondage funtimes with Secret Cyclon lady!
• Bondage funtimes with Secret Cyclon not really so fun.
• Wha? Jesus Doctor's harem invaded by gay bikers from The Road Warrior? Where is Lord Humongous?!
• Hey, Chief Fatty Q. Workingstiff! Your wife is space food. Didn't anybody tell you yet?
• Silly pilot lady... You can't land on your nose!
• Bleachy Cyclon's in Doctor Jesus's head—Are we still doing that?
• Raid on the temple! Turn over the money changers' tables! Cliche complete!
• 23 minutes in and STILL NO BLONDE TOMBOY SPACE GIRL!
• Gravel is for rustic driveways, Miami Vice. You don't eat it.
• Old Eyepatchy wants Bleachy Cyclon to be his Oprah friend and tell him what it's like to have so many deaths on her bony hands.
• Chief Fatty Q. Workingstiff: "I settled! I settled for that freak! Those dull fracking eyes!" You are a mechanic with a studio apartment and you want to get the hotties? It's space, fatboy. Not Long Island.
• Eww... Old Eyepatchy's eye! Haha... Bleachy just beat the shit out of you!
• Blonde Tomboy Space Girl... Where are you?? ::sniffle::

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