Gawker
"The appearance of Jason Segel’s genitalia in the romcom Forgetting Sarah Marshall had American critics crowing about how the film has courageously broken one of the last taboos in mainstream cinema. Yet Segel’s flaccid member looks pathetic and laughable, especially because it’s attached to a body that is doughy and pallid. It can’t seriously be accused of being capable of anything, let alone of breaking a taboo. So obviously devoid of sexual intent, it symbolises not so much his character’s abject emotional condition at his girlfriend’s rejection of him, but the sorry state of masculinity in American movies today." The Times of London's Christopher Goodwin goes on to piss and moan about how actors such as Seth Rogen, Michael Cera and Jonah Hill have replaced the manly men of yore—and conveniently dodges a crucial and trend-piece-killing point.
Goodwin longs for "the effortless masculinity" of "John Wayne, Gary Cooper, Gregory Peck, William Holden, Burt Lancaster, Steve McQueen, Paul Newman and Clint Eastwood." But pretty much every movie he whines about is a recent comedy. And nowhere does he bemoan the golden days of such beefcakes as Chevy Chase, Bill Murray, Dan Akroyd, John Belushi, John Candy, Mike Meyers, or Ben Stiller.
In the comments section, a final STFU is put down by the most powerful voice in marketing: "I'm a teenage girl who is much more attracted to these skinny nerdy boys than I am to 'real masculine men'. It must just be a generational thing. I like my little James McAvoys and Michael Ceras and Emile Hirsches. What's wrong with that? They're all good looking guys. Not everyone likes Brandos.
Tab, Madison, USA" [TimesOnline]
Comments
What's Tab Hunter doing commenting at the Times of London?
Wait, flacid members attached to doughy and pallid bodies aren't capable of anything? Does the rest of the world know about this? We've been living a lie! Rise up sisters!
I don't know... generational? I like the skinny one from Flight of the Conchords and Stephen Seagal makes me ill. Gary Cooper was pretty dreamy, though.
It's funny because it's fat.
Speaking of members. what about Harvey Keitel? My mother never forgave me for The Piano.
I can direct Mr. Goodwin to some primo gay porn sites if he wants some "effortless masculinity" in his cinema.
"the most powerful voice in marketing"
Nice.
I wonder what Christopher Goodwin looks like naked...
@NinaHagen: That still makes me nervous to think about, caressing the piano and all.
@CaptainHangNail: Don't forget
If full-frontal male nudity in Hollywood films is wrong, I don't want to be right.
@NinaHagen: Bad Lieutenant sorry.
@NinaHagen: Bad Lieutenant - I don't know what's going on so sorry if it's twice.
"...the sorry state of masculinity in American movies today."
My avatar takes issue with this.
@NinaHagen: Just hang around N. Moore and Greenwich Street long enough and you'll see Keitel in his wang-revealing bathrobe holding court in Tribeca. You get used to it after a while.
Well, there does exist modern beefcake, like Ewen McGregor. Good actor too. And the full frontal in Young Adam is something you wouldn't want your mom to see. (Well, depending on the mom in question).
i don't understand...are neck beards not manly?
@SarahHeartburn: Ewan loves showing the wee wee. I think a Jake Gyllenhaal full frontal could dispel all this nonsense. Really, he should do it for the good of us all.
I would worry more about the trends the Apatow actors are setting in crappy acting rather than what they look like. Meow! WOOF!
@CrankYank: I think some Hugh Jackman full frontal would be nice too, or Gerard Butler. We need more than that ass shot from 300.
As I've said before, Apatow should at least force James Franco to show it if he's going to torture us.
I still prefer a great chest to a member any day.@vulturesquadron: Has he turned inti Irving Berlin who used to go to the mailbox on Sutton Place in his bathrobe everyday.
@NinaHagen: into - you are addle-pated.
@SarahHeartburn:
Didn't he have some full frontal in Velvet
Goldmine? (Or was that too indie to count?)
Brando, in his youth, was boyish and slender. He had muscles, but was no Sylvester Stallone.
Bogart was only 5' 8." He had to stand on a box in his scenes with Ingrid Bergman in Casablanca. Although often tough, he had an appealingly boyish side.
I think every generation of male actors has its boys and he-men, although the he-men tend to be, relatively speaking, the less gifted actors, e.g., John Wayne, Charlton Heston.
Hey, fellllaaaas!!!
@Seeräuber Jenny: I think Heston & Wayne came into their own later in their careers - although both did descend into caricature - particularly Wayne - see True Grit - arghhhhh.
@TedSez: DAMMIT! I specifically asked that Richard Simmons not be invited to this party!
Well, at least he put on a pair of pants.
@skahammer: Actually, that was my Brando impression. Doesn't work so well in print.
@TedSez: My apologies. It's a tough one to pull off.
My Brando impression consists of me yelling "STELLLLLL-AAAAA!!!!!" and then beating holy hell out of Karl Malden.
It hasn't exactly earned me rave reviews. Especially since Mr. Malden passed his 90th birthday. Six years ago.
But in my book, Ted, you're definitely a contender.
As Marlon once said, "Kowalski was always right, and never afraid. He never wondered, he never doubted. His ego was very secure. And he had the kind of brutal agressiveness that I hate. I'm afraid of it. I detest the character."
He probably would have preferred Seth Rogen himself.
Jason Segal shouldn't be in the same category as Seth Rogen. He is much, much more attractive. Besides, the movie wouldn't have worked if he looked like Brad Pitt or George Clooney. Really good-looking guys always get the girl.
It's pretty shitty to dis a guy's naughty bits, though. Like, there he is, vulnerable and naked, and the critics just see a Lorena Bobbit opportunity to comment on its size and shape.
@cassandra: Because no one does that to women's tatas. I saw a bit in the Star about "Angelina Jolie's bony hands." I mean, God help us.
@cassandra:
No shittier than making fun of an older woman's breasts, as I read happens in There's Something About Mary. (I may have the wrong film, but I remember all the mean-spirited jokes by the primarily male movie critics.)
Someone needs to send Goodwin a DVD of Eastern Promises.
Rogen and Cera are Canadian anyway.
Awww, he's cute and you never know how big those things will get. I once slept with a porn actor who went from three inches to ten in sixy seconds. The Pentagon should investigate this. But he does use it for good.
I can't believe we've gone this long without mentioning Russell Brand.
@NinaHagen And to think I was just about to write a letter to The Times about Nicole Kidman's swollen red hands, shame on me.
The word "romcom" is what's killing me.
It sounds like a military state of alert. Romcom 5! Man your stations! We have flaccid, hello!
@Rumpelstilskin: I am totally willing to take that on.
How come no movies about doughy, pallid ladies? In fact, all of the women in Judd Apatow's movies are gorgeous. Yawn / eff that.
@NinaHagen: I'd still rather see Harvey in his robe than Lars Ulrich in his jogging shorts. Also, my friend who lives on Sutton Place has a "Taxi" button in his elevator. That still blows my mind.
"sorry state of masculinity in American movies today" -- just in the movies?
@punkybrewster: eff that indeed!
@dandles: Agreed. Way more Franko. Oh, and while we're at it - Lindsey Wier, can we please be friends?
I hardly think any British man wants to go on about doughy, pasty out of shape bodies and tiny penises. Not while Chris Hitchens and Prince Charles still roam the planet.
And Katherine Heigl will complain about something to keep herself relevant in 5....4....3....2....1
@Priam: hits nail on head.
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