She sounds like an old woman.

Perhaps encouraging the wrath of the Gawker Army, I shall now confess the following:

I do not find Scarlett Johansson even remotely attractive. And even her much ballyhooed boobage does not impress.

That said, this music video of makes me pine for Emily Brill's version of Ray of Light.

unconvinced.

Sorry, I can't quite hear you beneath that ridiculous over-production. How awful was her voice that it had to be buried that deep in the mix?

@McCheeburger: She's refreshing because she's not a clone-stick like most actesses her age, but she's not all that.

However with enough Hollywood exposure, she'll clone out. The beginning has started. We'll get you Ms Scarlett, we'll get you in the end.

@McCheeburger: I agree entirely. Also, is that singing?

I hate her.

her voice reminds me of courtney love's, but more off-key. that's probably a bad thing.

@Helman: Don't make me listen to it again!

Wow. This is awful. Her voice is totally flat and emotionless, and the production is a constant wall of "alt".

That is a pretty big meatball to throw out there. She is not as cool as she thinks she is.

Salmon Rushdie?

Jeez. That's got the worst production of anything I've heard for such a long time. It sounds like they recorded her using a Dictaphone as she was singing into a toilet bowl in the bathroom next door to a paper mill working late to supply a last minute order from Cat Monthly. I made it only two minutes into it, so I've got no way of confirming if I would hear actual flushing at the end of it.

Autotuneless.

Initial impression correct.

Unnecessary.

It was nice of her to let that freshman film student make the video.

Sounds like a recording of signing along into a old-timey tape recorder while wearing headphones listening to the original. Always ends up shockingly flat and off-key. (My generation's version of the lip dub, only the opposite. We listened to the result secretly in horror in our bedrooms, certainly didn't play them for friends and there was no internet to upload to.) At least kids today leave the singing to the pros and just video themselves looking idiotic.

Oh and look! She's so sad about being famous.

@VirusWithShoes: The snare sounds like a dead fish being slapped against a cinder block. And that tink-tink-tink of Christmas bells in the middle? SO many poor decisions here.

she sounds like sinead a bit. the thing about this lower register style that she's doing is that it's not as hard to stay on key. it's like talking more than singing. so they probably didn't need to autotune too much of it. and i'll bet she can't soar into the other registers like sinead. but who knows? maybe she can. this is just one song.

i don't think she's that attractive either. but her singing is better than her acting. and for whatever little that's saying: i'll bet woody allen loves this.

I was able to last 2 minutes into this one, but it's mostly because I was hoping for another glimpse of the hairstylist who might have been hot.

@aisatsana: i'm thinking sinead o'connor but with hair

i don't get her at all

being famous is hard work

hard work being famous

"Butter... chocolate... mouth... twitch... seduce."

That was, in all objective sincerity, absolutely fucking atrocious.

Had to turn the sound off 20 seconds in. What did I expect? How could anyone who gets anything from listening to Waits do this?

But it had an American flag in it.

You guys are all terrorists.

@i_win_wtf: Well, I imagine that if you "get anything" from Tom Waits, you must at least be willing to give someone a chance to amaze you by using a non-mainstream singing voice and an idiosyncratic approach to the material.

I haven't heard the album so I admit it may yet sound like ass, but Scarlett singing Tom Waits at least makes more sense than Scarlett singing anything that might appear on the American Idol hit parade.

(They haven't done a Tom Waits night, have they? If they have, then I've basically got nothing here.)

Wow, I was all ready to laugh when it turned out that her music was great.

Boy, was I wrong. Her voice is totally flat, isn't it?

@dandles: As flat as her famous chest isn't.

What does she have to be so miserable about? Being really, really attractive and clearing five million a year as a very mediocre actor?

If I was in her position, this video would basically be four minutes of me in a posh dining room, devouring a six-foot cake in slow motion. Barefoot, in my fucking bathrobe.

I like it. I'd put my peter in it.

Atonal is not pretty.

Pretty girl lacks talent in all ways.

Pretty girl just look pretty.

When I first heard about Scar's little project, I hadn't expected a Nico impersonation. I'm cueing up "All Tomorrow's Parties" now.

Sounds like '80s Ozzy.

There Will Be Ear Blood.

@VirusWithShoes: Pretty much.

Movie stars: Please. Stop thinking you can sing. Or do anything musical. Just stop it, for the love of Julia Allison.

Holly Cole already did this (and much better) in the 90's.

She is not sad, LOLCait, she is resting her facial muscles. She needs them to act! And fake out strangers that think she really enjoyed getting flowers!

That sucked. Seriously, I was scared it would be good and I'd have to admit it. Irrational fear. That was ass-trocious.

@skahammer: Exactly. I mean- if ScarJo's gonna make an album, I'd rather she cover Tom Waits songs than write her own- or do something else totally predictable like Nico, as someone else mentioned...

Really, I was all ready to hate this record since I already have a marginal opinion of ScarJo's acting- but after listening a couple times to this song I have to admit it's growing on me.

At least she's not trying to be some insane pop songstress and is attempting to do something a little cool and outside the box.

And the affected production everyone's bitching about is actually awesome work by none other than TV On The Radio's David Sitek, who is fucking awesome. So relax all you haters.

C.R.A.P.

God how I hate her.It takes large amounts of energy that is precious to me to hate her but I've managed, nonetheless.I'd rather listen to someone crack their knuckles along to the sound of Kenny G remixed by Satan's mediocre , less evil,half-brother.

Also, I like that the banner title on this page reads ''MUSIC...SCARLETT JOHANSSON...TOM WAITS...WHY?''

Even the meta agrees.

@skahammer: @Truthiness9: She can't sing. At all. And has fooled herself into not only believing that she has singing talent, but that she MUST SHARE IT WITH THE WORLD. That's about as American Idol as it gets, really.

sounds a bit like a dirge.

@skahammer: There is a difference between saying "this is good even though it's Scarlett", and saying "this is good because it's Scarlett". I think we can definitely forget about the first one, and I can only allow the second one if we are talking about other values of this "idea", because on purely musical terms, it still plain sucks.

And it's not her voice that's bad. It's her singing.

She lost me at the ennui laden bubblegum.

P.a.i.n.f.u.l.

I just wish Natalie Portman would come out with an incredible album to add to her humiliation.

I do think SJ is bloomingly delicious, despite her sulky too-cool-for-school demeanour (see the win a date story) but this is terrible, truly terrible. How indulged these people are.

@Ofeelya: Absolutely it's so Nico. We've got a local Tom Waits tribute band who are at least twenty times better than this.

Anything sounds legitimate with a banjo, right? This totally blows. This is like, "Uh, I'm bored. What should I do? Oh, I'll do a cover album. Of Tom Waits songs. But I can't sing. But whatever, I'm rich."