D.J. Tanner is gonna go all chola on your ass.

It's like, you know, you couldn't get to your trig homework because you had to take care of bizness, you know, and you're telling your homies you don't think you can show up to the test tomorrow and represent. And one of your homeboys says just keep it real for the other homies on death row, and you get that C+ because that's what you have to do in L.A.

This video is like peering into Jamie Lynn's future.

We be comin homes. I'ts all in the game.
Keep your flack jacket on,
Sherman Oaks and your olsen twins heads up y'all

one mo thang, mad ronald(hamud) gonna cover that t shirt in ketchup when he gets on this. word up

Maybe she was counting on her large bazongas distracting us from her distinct lack of native American-ness and street authenticity.

Did she buy the big-ass hoop earrings just for this interview?

Oh, Peggy Seltzer, can you even clap on the backbeat?

Her right earring keeps turning perpendicular to her head to receive the signals from the Thetans.

Who was she fooling with this act? Anna Deavere Smith's producer?

I'm familiar with this story, but I can't front...I saw the thumbnail for these vids at Fleshbot and was entranced by her boobs. So uh, here I am.

Hi.

@Al aka El Negro Magnifico: I was trying to reckon whether she would want you to front or not, and my mind boggled.

@GregSamsa: I keep wondering what she expected to happen when the book was published. Surely she must have known that sooner or later someone was going to out her. Or do I just not understand batshit-crazy level denial? Has there been any follow-up on her since the scandal broke?

she almost started singing 'gangsta's paradise' from Coolio...you can just see it...she wants to bust out into song...but her boobs get in the way.

What's striking is the lifelessness of her performance.

She's got none of the vitality or "stage presence" of a competent actor or charismatic liar.

Even her parroting of African-American street vernacular is careless, drifting at times so far that, if you listen closely to her, she sounds like she's imitating Jodie Foster's approximation of lockjaw West Virginian in Silence of the Lambs.

So, what made her convincing to the white middle-class intelligentsia?

A white girl would never lower herself to speaking like a black person unless her story of having lived among poor blacks were true.

Living intimately with poor African-Americans, and very possibly loving them, is so ritually impure for a white person, so degrading, that no possible benefit could accrue to lying about having done so.

What white person would ever admit to such a thing if it weren't true?

And there's of course the issue, more powerful because it's never directly addressed, of a young white woman keeping company with sexually ravenous underclass African-American men.

All these unstated assumptions and paranoias would necessarily destabilize the sort of white New Yorker who works in publishing and whose only contact with African-Americans consists of riding at certain hours on the B or the Q or the 3 or the 4.

Wow. She bears a remarkable resemblance to the chick in the GTA IV ad just to the left of this article. Coincidence?

I didn't know they could stack Wonderbread that high.

What a nut. I would love to see a psychologist's evaluation of her. Is she delusional? She sure spits out her tale fast enough. Did she rehearse all this? Didn't she think someone would see her video and go ... gee, I went to school with this girl. I don't remember any gunshots.

@Hamud. Brilliant.
"What a performance. Everything but the bloodhounds snapping at her rear end."--Thelma Ritter.

I cannot believe how you are bringing the crazy this morning, Ryan.

I'm finding this quite instructive. Note to self: on video you can totally let the rest go as long as you bring the boobosity. Got it.

Skills... you know, like bowhunting skills, nunchuk skills... girls only like guys that have good skills...

@raincoaster: Shame she went to all that other effort when all she needed to do was show off those tits.
@Buzz Killington: Skills I like in a guy: Lifting heavy objects, investigating scary noises in the middle of the night, fending off stray nunchuks.
Love your gawker name.

i knew a little white girl who wanted to be "street" -- didn't lie or anything but believed the media hype and all its underlying and implicit racist assumptions and wanted to really live it; talked about it all the time; dated about the worst d00d in the world and when he did bad things to her just kind of sighed and like it was a nightmare come true

i don't know why

@Buzz Killington: more mad skillz: fixing the deck, yardwork ...

@Al aka El Negro Magnifico: Yes, I was just thinking those are the only "real" things about her.

Why is she dressed like Stanley Kowalski ?

They passed a graduation card around death row so everyone could sign it? Death row's that much like my office on someone's last day?

Almost everyone I know from Miami (and since I'm from regrettably Floridian, I know many) has a Cuban accent regardless of whether they are actually Cuban...or even Hispanic...or born in America.

Of course in her hood, there's a mall and most importantly, a Deb store.

@Hamud: Ugh. Is there some reason you have to dress up totally ordinary thoughts about race and sexuality with really dull, academic language? Is there some particular reason why you can't speak like an ordinary person in the comment thread of a goofy website?

I'm going to call this the "N Plus syndrome".

@lilpupdog: Whee hee. They also bought her a dairy queen ice cream cake and a half-deflated mylar balloon tied to her old swivelling chair.

@Hamud: Sure. But she's got big boobies. Which must mean she's slutty.

@Pope John Peeps II: I think he does it to vex you and bring out your outer asshole. It works!

The earrings are the giveaway.

Hard to figure if the mammaries are implants or not, though. Sherman Oaks where she's from is a literal stone's throw from the porn production companies. Did she once cherish dreams of being another Jeana Fine, and couldn't lose enough weight to do it?

I just died a little on the inside.

@Hamud: That was all some sort of lame joke, right? Those questions and answers aren't really going around in your head, are they?

@Hamud:

I love you. That is all.

Herbert Kornfeld gonna wife her in the most thug fabulous wedding to ever take place in a suburban catering hall.

"My face up here, Homie!"

@hamburgerhotdog: Accounts payable, wassup!

She's loonier than the girl who hacked into celebs AOL accounts and wrote The Perfect Man.

Someone's been watching The Wire.

@vulturesquadron: 'sup accounts receibo ho?

I didn't realize the girls were quite so...prominent...

It's all about the boobs.

The minute she actually left the "g" on the end of the word "happening," it was obvious she was a big faker. I'm white and upper middle class and don't leave that "g" there- she must be REALLY rich.

Imagine a girl, from the streets, with aspirations, thinks she's a rock star.
Then, perchance she goes to England, and starts talkin with an accent and comes down on her homes in Staten Island or where ever. Starts envisionioning herself Madonna or a religious icon... and marries a soccer star(alright I made up the last part, and the part about pappa preaching, and the like a virgin part, etc).

Don't be fooled by the rocks that I've got...under this shirt.

booooooobs.. geez

I knew that bitch, cuzz! She was the hoodrat of choice because of all the lost hours spent exploring just her tits. We would go up to the Slauson swapmeet and steel fake Sean John shit and she would sell it to white boys in Panorama City.

One time, she stole a 40 for me from da likka sto by hiding the bottle between her tits. Korean owner thought she was breast feedin twins under her shirt. She's got the entire constitution and Lucas' rough draft of 'the star wars' tattooed under them tig ol bitties.

She keepz it rhelz.

What's most incongruous is her hair. It's not hood hair. It's prep hair.

But...she "taught history classes through the mail?"

I don't get angry, I get stabby.

For a gangbanger, she's very knowledgeable about local real estate.

those are some serious knockers.

"It's like bein' a Palestinian suicide bomber...it's a urban third world..."
Jesus motherfuck.

[uk]

+ Watch video

Oh, was she speaking?

@Priam: That's the most brilliant "this thing is like that thing" I've seen in a long time.

@Pope John Peeps II: Ha! Yeah, it'd be better if he just whined incessantly about the writing style of the other commenters.