How are things this week for the humans and robots of the Sci-Fi Channel's Battlestar Galactica? Bad! Me, and my liver, humbly submit this report on last night's space rodeo.

• Don't you get in that viper, Blonde Tomboy Space Girl! It makes you crazy!
• Dr. Jesusface: "How does that make you feel?" Oh great. Now he's a fracking psycholologist...
• "The gods don't exist! We have been pandering to our own ignorance for far too long!" Dayum, Doctor. Who knew you had it in ya?
• You will not undermine Blonde Tomboy Space Girl, Pretty Asian Cyclon! Earth is not a pipe dream! She has magic and you are jealous, stupid jealous Cyclon!
• Get away from that ship, Blonde Tomboy Space Girl! It's full of Cyclons!
• Don't talk to him!
• Don't let him into your quarters! He'll get into your head! Nooooes...
• "Anesthetizing yourself with ambrosia and petty affairs!" That's just how the Blonde Tomboy Space Girl rolls, ass.
• Chief Fatty Q. Workingstiff still doesn't know Secret Cyclon Lady killed his wife? And now she's blaming him?! Oh, Fatty, you really are a dumb fuck.
• Don't be planning mutiny, Pretty Asian Cyclon. Know why? Coz, busted!
• Ew. Ol' Doc Jesusface and Secret Cyclon Lady having smelly-looking nerd sex. Ew.
• Great. Now he's making a speech. Great, now Old Eyepatchy's making a speech. Does anyone in space ever STFU?
• The most boring woman ever is inspecting the hull. And now she's dead. Yay, death!
• Fatty is thinking! Fatty is pissed.
• Yes, Fatty, choke him! Choke Jesusface!! Choke him more!!!
• Ack! Mutiny! Space Girrrrrrrl! Noooooes...

Contact information for this author is not available.