To everyone who gives me shit about being OCD: I told you so.

This is the least disgusting thing I thought I could catch from those benches. I only sit on them if I am desperately tired, and even then I'm thinking ... ugh.

Lame (Cartman voice)

I'm freaking out.

But hipster bed bugs have been sucking on the city for years now, latching onto unsuspecting hard working middle class neighborhoods with their trust fund baby teeth and leaving behind welts of Starbucks and Whole Foods when they move on to the next 'hood.

Thats it. I'm moving to Iowa.

Dat. Ain't. Nuttin.

[raincoaster.com]

"Dis is a Booklyn born F tain...next stop on this F tain BED BUG CITY...stand clear of the closings...you in the last car stand clear of the closings..."

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWW!

Did something just bite me?

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWW!

There are bedbugs in the disco?

PANIC AT THE DISCO!

@VoxPopuli: I think I would be more worried for my health if there weren't bed bugs in the Subway.

AUUUUGH

Rats are starting to look cute in comparison. At least you can see them coming.

True story. I am on the Q train to Manhattan from Brooklyn one early Saturday morning about 6 am. Car is about a third full, most riders asleep. One homeless dude manically picking at all the layers of his clothing. Whatever he was picking off, it was all over that car.

Just one more reason for men to scratch their balls.

@Carol Gardens: not only that, they rarely latch onto you and invade your mattress and clothes. at least if they do, they're a lot easier to spot.

@EnviousJuno: We need a reason?

@crazycatlady: This makes me think of people who clip their nails on subway trains. With some training, these people, with their clippings normally flying all over the place, can become deadly anti-bedbug weapons.

@EleanorRigby: Yes, all they really do is fuck around with you by occasionally running across your feet and into your pants legs.

@In Other News...: Isn't "they're there" a reason?

@In Other News...: you don't enjoy that? i happen to enjoy risking the bubonic plague whenever i take mass transit.

Bedbugs are the new roaches. In just a few short years, they will be all over. They already are on buses and in theaters and hotels. One school in Manhattan had an infestation and I think so did a police precinct in Brooklyn. The Daily News did a story on bedbugs and listed locations.
It should be routine to undress in your hall and shake out your clothes before you enter your apartment. I do. Gangway.

Excellent! Now the incredibly annoying movie crews that are constantly shooting in the Hoyt-Scherm station will get bedbugs! It's the least you deserve for parking your 18-wheeler outside my window and honking the horn at 6am. Assholes.

@raincoaster: You win. Now I've seen everything.

Ugh, my apartment still smells like poison from trying to rid myself of the bedbugs in my motherfucking bed.

Bedbugs will die (along with their eggs/larva) at a minimum of 113 degrees, so investing in a clothing steamer might be an option as opposed to chemicals.

@EnviousJuno: Hang on - yes, they're there. Whew!

@EleanorRigby: "Lady, PLEASE stop clipping! They're like little, chitinous boomerangs flying into my eyes!!!"

@SheLaughs: 113 degrees? So the subways will be free of bedbugs come this summer.

@In Other News...: I used to think clipping one's nails was as gross as it got on the subway. I was on an E train from Jackson Heights going towards Manhattan one evening, when I saw a group of four young people. Two were picking nits (presumably) off the head of a third, seated between them. They were energetically flicking these away from themselves (across the car towards others seated nearby).

Perhaps most disturbingly, I was the only person who moved away from them.

They are EVERYWHERE, but not enough people are willing to talk about them because there is such a stigma attached to having them. Can you imagine going on a first date with someone while you're in the middle of fighting a bedbug infestation? What are you supposed to tell that person? It's like having an STD.

The Internet is the only place that people suffering from bedbugs can go right now for information...the city isn't doing shit about the problem because bedbugs supposedly don't spread disease and therefore aren't a problem.

If you haven't gotten them yet -- I don't want to make anyone paranoid -- but seriously, it really is only a matter of time.

And not to single Astoria out, but I have a bunch of friends who live there and they've all been fighting off bedbug infestations...what's up with you, Astoria???

And I've been called OCD for my post-subway alcohol hand wipes and Purell-ing my hands and feet after the gym. Not so crazy anymore, huh?

@In Other News...: We could hope.

"Edward Brownbear, also reported seeing the bugs on wooden benches at the Union Square and Fordham Road stations in Manhattan and The Bronx..."

That's nothing.

Now that the weather's getting warmer, all those twee little "French-style" tables and chairs in Bryant Park are absolutely swarming with three species of the world's deadliest snakes.

Death adders. Malayan kraits. Plus, Green mambas.

Just last week I personally watched several dozen Malayan kraits surround and strike a young mother and each of her two-year old quintuplets, killing them all instantly.

She must have been from out of town because you can rent a mongoose by the hour for a very reasonable fee at the three Wichcraft kiosks. (The rental comes with a 15% discount for any beverage, which is nice.)

Gad,people, why are you worried about bedbugs when those downtown trains are picking up lawyers right and left? Eyewwwwwwww.

Do rats eat bed bugs? If so, the benches in Central Park are safe.

@Hamud Ibn Hamud: That's awesome. All we have for the tourists up here are grizzly bears, and they don't eat as much as you'd think.