• There is no goddamned way animal-hating monster Paris Hilton actually said this to justify her alleged competitive need to conceive: "I have a lot of beautiful animals that I look after and I feel I would have a lot to give my children."
• British police kept hold of singer Amy Winehouse for nine hours of questioning after arresting her in connection with a January video in which she apparently smoked crack. She was said to have "sobbed uncontrollably once inside Limehouse" jail before being released around 1:30 am. By 4 am she was happily rummaging around at a convenience store, chatting up reporters.
• Jennifer Aniston was calling flame John Mayer "every spare moment" she got on a Miami film set. Then he flew to Miami to make out with her in a football stadium. This is the part where we all tune out for our own sanity, right? [OK!]
• For the Sex And The City movie, Sarah Jessica Parker and Cynthia Nixon got to keep their clothes, but Kristin Davis and Kim Cattrall did not. So unjust. How do they expect Kristin Davis to make movies without clothes? [E!]
• The Barbara Walters episode of Oprah attracted more viewers than both Tom Cruise episodes of Oprah, according to television tracking firm Perez Hilton.
• Here is Matt Damon looking creepy in a moustache. [IsThisHappening]

Send an email to Ryan Tate, the author of this post, at ryan@gawker.com.