Last night, we tearfully watched as the third season of that Adderall-fueled pity party known as The Hills came to a wisdom-filled conclusion. So what did we learn last night? Aside from newly cropped and suddenly hot Justin Bobby teaching Audrina (and us) that living alone means you can “come home and cook something,” and shockingly, “have people over,” Methanie Pratt managed to summarize the entire season’s course on Lives Of The Blonde And Vapid by telling villainous Spencer that one should always “think really hard before you do anything.” Below we bring you three tidbits to carry with you forever, involving drinking on the job, dieting leessons, and when the appropriate time to “shush” someone is:
1) Cheese Is Yum, But May Put Junk In Your Trunk!: As sidekick Lo notes, eating a whole bunch of cheese at once feels good. It tastes good, tends to be difficult to stop eating, and makes you smile. But! After making the decision to eat an entire chunk in one sitting, we learn that the act “is not gonna be good for my behind.” Duly noted.
2. How To Get Ahead By Getting Wasted!: As we know by now, Heidi Montag will do just about everything in her power to maintain her position as the youngest PR whiz in history (also known as the token office blonde, a la Cerie Xerox on 30 Rock), but Heidi's youth gifts her with the ability to drink on the job. And Methanie's response, naturally? "Working with drinks, that sounds real legit!"
3. How To Silence Those Pesky Voices In Your Head!: As the Pratt spawns ride along this road called life (aka the 101), the unblinking Spencer suddenly begins "Shush!"ing no one in particular. After Methanie reminds him that "you don't have to shush me when I'm not talking," he continues to do just that. Which leads us to the single most satisfying epiphany we've come to all season: Spencer is not just a slimy slut, but a slimy schizo!