Lydia Hearst Live From The Life Ball In Vienna

Every year, the most awful people in New York jet to Vienna for the Lifeball, a fancy-dress fundraiser for HIV/AIDS research. On the Austrian Airlines private charter this year: pseudo-heiress Lydia Hearst, the character upon whom Ugly Betty's Amanda Sommers should have been based; ubiquitous plump-lipped tranny Amanda Lepore; club kid Richie Rich; gender-bending party promoter Andre J.; scene photographer Patrick McMullan; and a disgusted Gawker spy. The Lifeball's worthy cause typically protects the absurd celebrity freeloaders-but not this time. Here's Lydia Hearst at the first night's cocktail party, abandoned by her airplane snog-buddy, Markus Schenkenberg. After the jump, our correspondent's shocking tale of mile-high blow and blow-jobs.

What is hilarious is that when you take all these characters out of New York, they just look like dumb freaks. It's like getting confused which day is Halloween and arriving in full-on costume on October 29th instead-oops. We went through a special check-in at JFK. Needless to say, the plane ride was like a bloody sniffing contest. Also, all the staff were gay men (ridiculously dressed in skanky outfits and body glitter). It was impossible to get a drink during the flight because all the staff were busy sucking dick in the lavatory.