Katie Holmes' Attempt To Flee The Scientology Kingdom: A Tragedy In Three Parts

Looks like it’s time to reopen the case of Suri Cruise and the Toxic Scientology Bottles. After seeing this photo of Katie Holmes and her tiny dancer, we couldn’t help but notice the presence of an actual sippy cup. Why is this news so glorious? You see, most babies tend to go from nipple to bottle to sippy cup to the wine glass you’re currently holding. But Hubbard's Parenting Book tells Scientology moms like Holmes to rot their kids' teeth with honey instead, a method Holmes had been following obediently. But before we could celebrate Suri's freedom and Katie's long-awaited rebellion against Overlord Tom and his disco-dancing minions, Cruise suddenly descended on their escape attempt clutching an asbestos-stuffed rabbit that made Suri cry. The dramatic series of events, in pictures, after the jump.

Katie Holmes' Attempt To Flee The Scientology Kingdom: A Tragedy In Three Parts

As it turns out, Katie and Suri picked an odd moment to make their escape. True, the pair were allowed to take tap dancing lessons together without supervision, but they were on the set of Tom's Other Child Connor's big break in (coincidence!) Cruise BFF Will Smith's new movie. And, as we can see, Tom hardly let his girls get very far before swooping in from his perch atop a trailer and distracting Suri with a pink bunny. Katie appears to put up a halfhearted fight for a moment, but Tom predictably wins the battle, removing Suri from her escape wagon and most likely, plucking that sippy cup from her little hands and crushing it with his famous air-punching fist.


[Photo credits: X17]