From the looks of this new teaser for CW’s upcoming Beverly Hills: 90210 remake, it looks as though any fans of the original hoping for a fresh take on their beloved West Beverly High alum will have to sheepishly return to watching classics from their prized VHS collection. Though they’ve obediently updated the infamous opening credits sequence in which each beautiful face candidly hops around a stark white set, we fear for the final result after hearing that a featured character is a “fun, energetic, not-your-typical grandma!” and that the adopted son will be black this time around. As if the cast’s promise that the reincarnation will be “a wild ride!” wasn’t enough to warn us, consider the update’s tagline: “If you wanna live in the Zip, you gotta live by the code.”

As the promo’s only familiar face (that is, besides Lucille Bluth), Lori Loughlin is given plenty of face time to explain her role as the show's matriarch, who’s a “contemporary modern-day mom...she’s as cool as her children!” You mean, like the moms on The OC, right? And the new Kelly-like popular girl has cheap highlights, a rebellious side, and a father who watches her every move as the high school principal. Reminds us of...Reese Witherspoon’s headmaster dad in Cruel Intentions? Finally, we get to see a spotty montage of the new crew’s stomping ground outside the classrooms, showing all the stoner cliques, international subsets, and sunglasses-sporting cool kid crowds decorating West Bev’s entrance. Wait we know this one...just like the As If scene from Clueless! So basically we can expect a weak rendition of Clueless Intentions: The Real Orange County, as brought to you by Disney.