Kirsten Dunst's Pants Are On Fire

Everyone’s favorite tipsy greaser Kirsten Dunst is reportedly claiming her month-long stay at rehab center-to-the-stars Cirque Lodge was just a quick fix for feeling down in the dumps. As the actress recently told E! Online, she was not in a state of Natasha Lyonne meth-face madness, nor was she popping pills or playing the Brits’ favorite party game of Booze Snorting — she was just depressed! But when we gave the Cirque Lodge's admission guidelines a quick once over, we found no mention of specific plans aimed at those suffering simply from depression. So we decided to place a call to the Cirque Lodge today to see if our dear Kirsten just might be telling the truth. Sadly, as the Magic 8-Ball might say, "Outlook Not So Good." Here's what the spokesperson we spoke to today told us:

We address chemical dependency issues. We’re not at all a purely psychiatric facility like Bridges To Recovery, and each patient must undergo a detox for their chemical dependency, whether they’re coming off benzos, you know, cocktails in a pill, or harder substances. We do treat underlying issues, but if someone is suffering solely from chronic depression, we’re not the place to go.

As much as we hate delivering bad news (really!), it looks as though Dunst is simply pulling a Mendes by chalking up whatever uppers, downers and brand of Grandpa's Lemonade she'd been overdoing to a much more pleasant-sounding "problem." Not to mention her continuous public appearances in New York this month looking "wobbly" and generally lushing it up all over town. We wish her a speedy recovery but, as Goldenfiddle reminds us, "The first step is admitting you have a problem."