Unlike Rest Of World, Sarah Larson Shocked To Learn She Was Little More Than Clooney Arm Candy

Even though she spent nearly a year silently standing by George Clooney's side at movie premieres and on jaunts to the United Nations, it seems that Sarah Larson forgot the first rule about Being George Clooney's Girlfriend. Namely, you do not talk about Being George Clooney's Girlfriend. Just days after her extensive interview with Harper's Bazaar hit the stands — one in which she confessed that "I don't think [George] has any trouble getting anything he wants" — she suddenly and quickly found herself on the receiving end of that maxim. Unfortunately for her, she learned that what Clooney wanted was for her to give back his garage door opener and hitchhike her way back to Vegas. Now, details have begun to emerge from the Larson camp about their breakup, ones that predictably cast a sympathetic light on the comely sandworm emulator. Serving as part of a vast right-wing conspiracy against noted lefty Clooney, Fox News reports:

“She thought they were getting married. Instead, she got dumped,” a friend said. “She’s really upset. Devastated.”

As things got serious with Clooney, Larson had moved into his Los Angeles mansion, subletting her home in Las Vegas. Tongues wagged that she might be "the one" when he took her to the Oscars this year.

"She’s totally heartbroken and doesn’t deserve this,” a friend said. “It came out of nowhere. They had made all these plans.”

Turns out those plans called for little more than Larson to find the nearest WiFi hotspot, enabling her to surf Yellowpages.com to find the number of a local U-Haul with an available truck. You see, Clooney has a history of dating women that are young, pretty and anonymous. From Celine Balitran to Krista Allen, once people in the fly-over states begin to recognize the name of the girl who he's schtupping, history and habit dictates that Clooney lowers the boom on them. And although we're pretty positive that The Charming One will never publicly address the reasons behind the breakup, we're pretty sure that her sketchy past and the anonymous phone calls left on Clooney's visual voicemail didn't help her cause much.

So fare thee well, Sarah Larson. We're confident that The Maloofs will take you back. We look forward to the next time you refresh our drink at The Palms.