Last week, Quest magazine, coddler of heiresses, financiers, and other layabouts, published its annual "Quest 400," the exhaustive yet unexplained list of the society fixtures it deems worthy. Originally the "400" represented the number of guests Mrs. Astor could fit into her ballroom. Mrs. Astor is long gone, so how can one land a spot on the list today? We looked through all 20 pages to find out how to make the cut.
1. Cultivate an infantalizing nickname, especially one that could belong to a toddler or baby animal. Grown men named Bunky Cushing and Chappy Morris routinely make the list. As do the ladies Byrdie, Celerie, Cricket and Muffie.
2. Start the augmentations at an early age and don't stop until you resemble Joan Rivers or Cece Cord. Sadly, being a plastic surgery victim alone doesn't guarantee a spot on the list—"catwoman" Jocelyne Wildenstein and Ivana Trump were notably omitted.
4. Don't be too black, gay, Latino, or Jewish. You can never be too Waspy, however.
5. Advertise in Quest. There are actually some 1,300 names on the "400" and that might be because every advertiser in the issue appears to be on the list. Naturally.