Well, so, I got a little tiny bit pissed off earlier today. And while I was sinking into bleakly brooding, instead of swimming and frolicking, I pondered what on earth I could do about it. Almost everyone here is totally cool and funny, and we all appreciate that. But for those of you who seriously just cannot chill, I've come up with a new, special death for you. I call it, Weekend Death.
How does it work? Simple. The weekday Gawkers spend a lot more time here than I do, so I don't want to mess with their business. But I do want the weekends to be sweet and happy and not to send me or anyone else (aside from the subjects of certain items) into a burning hot misery spin. So, if you are truly rude, thoughtless, or mean-hearted toward me or your fellow commenters, you get Weekend Death. That is, I kill you and, on Monday, if I think of it, I'll revive you. But, wait! There's more!
I will kill you every single Friday night all over again. You will become some kind of half-living ghoul, furtively sniffing around during the week, afraid to comment lest you're still dead. And when you do comment, it will issue in a hurried, manic torrent because as soon as the weekly roundup is posted and I take over-gak!-you're dead again!
Also? Weekend Death awards you no funeral. No post where friends and enemies comment on your demise. I simply unplug you. And I don't tell you, and I don't tell anyone. You simply disappear from our little weekend community one day, without a sound, without a whimper... sucked up into the terrible, terrible black sky-void of eternal space...
Because you really would have to be a serious shit to get yourself banned from the weekends. You'd have to be demented in some kind of totally unentertaining and buzz-killing way. You'd have to try really hard. You'd have to almost want it.