Nicole Kidman’s rehabbed, country-crooning husband Keith Urban has infinite knowledge on many things: how to prepare cocaine for free-basing, which hair salons in Australia promise the best blond guylights and where one can pick up a sweet pair of skintight leather pants. But one area of expertise Urban hasn’t quite nailed down yet is this whole baby business. At the CMA Awards on Friday night, reporters bombarded the surprise performer with the inevitable string of wombwatch-related questions, one of which involved the topic of gifts the odd couple have received for the upcoming celeb spawn:
"We got a tie-dyed jumpsuit thing that we really like," he said backstage...When reporters told him it was likely a ‘onesie,’ Urban...looked puzzled and asked, "A what?"
Well now that he’s learned a thing or two about newborn attire, we have a few parenting lessons for Keith ourselves, from singing his baby to sleep (something he’s already proven skilled at!), to the difference between a Diaper Genie and a Drug Dealer:
Now that Keith has the semantics of onesies down, he ought to learn the following necessary new-dad terms as well:
Bugaboo: Though Urban might mistake the term for the feeling he used to get after a long night of inhaling long white lines during which he felt certain that blood-sucking bugs were crawling all over his body. In fact, the Bugaboo is the elite baby stroller of choice among stars.
Lullaby: No doubt, Keith already knows how to croon fans, and his wife, to la la land. But we do suggest he avoid his own hit singles such as "Tonight I Wanna Cry" or "Who Wouldn't Wanna Be Me?" Most importantly, should the Kidman-Urbanlet be of the male persuasion, "Stupid Boy" is most certainly not the wisest choice.
Diaper Genie: In the music community, a diaper genie would be an ingenious kind of groupie who could save singers like Fergie when they just gotta go when they gotta go, or maybe Amy Winehouse, who could store her drugs inside a custom Coke Diaper instead of her sweater while performing. But unfortunately for Keith, diaper genies in baby world are simply very smelly machines used to discard used infant undies, or in the case of the Kidman-Urban household, dirty tie-dyed onesies.
[Photo credit: Splash]