These Are Your Gods Now: Forbes Announces Its Celebrity 100

Having teased us already with a Celebrity 100 "drop-offs" list that included some of the brightest and most bankable names in the entertainment universe (they. did. not. just. say. Tom. Hanks—omgzyestheydiiiiddd), anticipation for the actual Celebrity 100 list—your annual ranking of the The World's Most Powerful Celebrities™ as verified by a team of accredited powerologists at the Forbes Institute for the Advancement of Obscene Wealth and Judgment-Summoning False Idolatry—was higher than ever. As always, Oprah Winfrey sits comfortably at the very top of the list, her $978 trillion empire affording her the luxury of purchasing everyone else in the top 100 for distribution among audience members as one of those "personal celebrity slaves I simply can't live without" on her next Favorite Things episode.

Sliding down the ranks, Angelina Jolie sits a mere seven spots away from her lusty human canvas and lifetime Lamaze partner, Brad Pitt. In the most improbable top 15 juxtaposition, nationally tolerated falsetto-artist Justin Timberlake can be found using national directing treasure Steven Spielberg as a stadium seating cushion. Who else? Cameron Diaz, though we're still trying to crack the Celebrity 100 fame formulæ (including "Web hits on Google Blog Search, TV/radio mentions on LexisNexis, overall press mentions on Factiva and the number of times a celebrity’s image appeared on the cover of 55 consumer magazines") to figure out how she wormed her way in there.