• "You disappear and then come back and people say, 'Hey, look at that guy.'"
• "His staff should build a podium for him, one that fits, and take it wherever he goes."
• "You know that on some level, at some moment, Dwight D. Eisenhower looked at John F. Kennedy and thought: Punk."
• "Old America: 'We've been here three generations.' New America: 'You're still here?'"
• "The eagle, you will note, is the centerpiece of my flag. It symbolizes freedom. Also the ability to see far away, so you can spot somebody doing something fishy and get him locked up."
• "His father died of AIDS, you asshole"

First four: Noonan
Five: Handey
Six: Gessen

Send an email to Alex Pareene, the author of this post, at alexp@gawker.com.