CAA Assistant Escapes Death Star P-4 To Tell Of The Parking Horrors That Lurk Beneath

Our noting earlier of a rumor that CAA assistants were now being made to park in a life-size Connect 4 board on the bottommost level of the Death Star parking structure brings us this report from an operative directly affected by the new policy:

Let me preface by saying as an assistant here, there isn't as much baby eating as the defamer HQ might think. It's actually quite corporate and business-friendly, and it's honestly a really good company to work for (especially when there are so few jobs out there overall).

BUT, this parking thing is really annoying.

Not only do we get packed in like sardines on p4, but many of us have emailed the hr department just asking why the change, but no explanation has been given. It easily adds 20 minutes of frustration to my day (I get enough the other 10 hours I'm here, I don't want to be frustrated when I shouldn't have to be), not to mention the time I spend stuck on the escalator behind people who refuse to treat it as anything other than a leisurely ride (STOP STANDING ON THE FUCKING ESCALATOR, IF YOU WERE THAT LAZY JUST WAIT AN EXTRA MINUTE AND TAKE THE DAMN ELEVATOR).

Ironically, if it is a cost-cutting measure, as I'm sure it is, much of the savings has to be spent on the 20 or so employees they have down there just directing us where to turn, where to park, moving the cars around, getting us our keys, and generally just standing around pretending to be busy. Not to mention all the little pieces of cardboard paper they're wasting.

Blech.

Blech indeed. We'd recommend downloading a PDF of the complete Los Angeles County Metropolitan Transportation Authority Metro Bus & Metro Rail System Map, but we understand how some agents prefer that their assistants not use public transportation, in case they get a mid-afternoon hankering for some green tea Pinkbaby ("Fool! I said Cocoa Krispies—not Cap'n Crunch!") and need to dispatch their employees for a quick run.