Watching Dave Letterman sucker-punch Hills axis of vapidity Spencer Pratt on The Late Show Friday night brought up one major question for us: why has it taken this long for a talking head to publicly shame the guylighted villain? Shilling, we presume, merely for the gruesome brand that is Spencer and Heidi, the numb and pathological Pratt answered a few very pointed questions regarding the MTV show's obvious scripted nature and what exactly Bromance nobody Brody Jenner does for a living. At that point, Letterman finally pulled out the big guns after Spencer boastfully claimed he "won't go to a club for less than $100,000." Dave's shock, insulting-yet-gentle series of guffaws and his no-beat-missed announcement that he wants Spencer off his set immediately sum up an interview too good to be true. See for yourself after the jump.

Dave scores his first points by feigning interest in an updated report on whatever current catfights have been set up by MTV producers between the interchangeable Hills blondes, then swiftly admitting he "has no idea" what he's talking about. But the slam dunks occur after successfully recruiting the audience to his side of the increasingly tense verbal battle, and launching into an initially innocent inquiry about rumors Pratt charges fees just to show up at nightclubs.

Pratt's decision to surpass Linda Evangelista in braggart pretension by saying (twice! and with the support of camera-ready partner in crime Heidi Montag in the green room!) he won't get out of bed for less than $100k with a straight face spurs genuine belly laughs and the classic Letterman customized-to-each-guest rebuttal: "Stop it, just stop. For a second there, I thought you actually said $100,000." But he doesn't stop there, asking Heidi if this "nonsense" is true, and pondering out loud about what kind of tricks Pratt performs to garner this fee ("bring a pony and have kids take their picture with it?"). By the time he passive-aggressively tells Spencer to get his scrawny ass and enormous head to get the fuck off his couch, Dave officially reclaims his late-night crown and reaffirms our confidence in the recently dusty goofball's improvised wizardry.