In a famous scene from American Psycho, pathological investment banker Patrick Bateman shows off his new business card only to be trumped by a colleague's with gorgeously understated typography, raised letters and perfectly off-white stock. The book, made into a movie with Christian Bale, is a bible for psychopathic Wall Streeters. But Prescott Hahn-the fashionista-chasing self-styled hedge fund manager photographed by the New York Post at a douche-dating event-wasn't paying sufficiently close enough attention. We've obtained a copy of the business card he was handing out at this month's Fashion Meets Finance mixer: it exposes him as a conman, and an incompetent one at that!
One Philip Hahn registered for the event. When we emailed, he replied: "Although I was invited to the event, I couldn't go – I'm spending June on my family's ranch in Kenya. Also while the party's idea might be a good one, I've no interest in getting married off to a fashionista so soon….! I haven't a clue who Prescott Hahn is either, no relation."
Funny that, because calls to the numbers on Prescott Hahn's card went through to one Philip Hahn's voicemail. And Philip Hahn confirmed by he was indeed the man behind Kensington Square Capital, the same company which Prescott Hahn's card showed he represented. Liar!
"Yes I run a hedge fund, regrettably a small one but a very young one," said Philip Hahn. "Started it when I was 26, am now 27." It must be very small indeed. We can find no record of its existence beyond a rudimentary one-page website. It appears to be hosted at a sketchy investment management firm called W.D. Witter. When we called, a nervous British man put us through to Hahn; and then changed the story to say he was in a meeting. (Incidentally, an "analyst" claiming to work for Kensington Square Capital also registered for the Fashion Meets Finance mixer, as did someone working for W.D. Witter. Good scam, guys.)
Let's examine the card itself. It describes Hahn as a "Hedge Fund Manager." How absurd. Real hedge fund managers don't put "hedge fund manager" on their card, just as investment bankers don't put "investment banker." They put something like "Vice President" or "Managing Director." One's name should be in capital letters, as American Psycho makes clear, and certainly not in dated italics, which work only if you're working for an old-school English private bank.
The only element of the business card that's appropriate is Pegasus, the winged horse, a creature as mythological as Prescott Hahn, the hedge fund manager.
There is no listing of Kensington Square Capital in Morningstar's hedge-fund database.
Like the economy, the "hedge-fund guy" scam to attract women and impress people is getting weaker—especially since the credit crunch. The ladies need a man with an income that's more than just fancy gambling!