Google to Prove You're a Sex-Fiend In CourtS

This is why Google has spent a decade collecting and preserving all the information it can gather about everyone on Earth: so it can prove in a court of law that your neighbors are perverts. There's an obscenity trial going on down in Florida, where life itself is generally obscene, against an icky hardcore pornographer (first they came for CumOnHerFace.com, and I said nothing, because I preferred alt-porn). In an obscenity trial, the prosecutors must prove that the material is in violation of "community standards." This is, obviously, a ridiculous yardstick. Everyone who watches movies knows that just below the friendly surface of American Suburbia lies violence, depravity, secret gay neighbors, and Dean Stockwell in eyeshadow. But jurors like to pretend that they've never enjoyed a little Skinimax. This is where Google—and your deepest, darkest secrets—come into play!

In the trial of a pornographic Web site operator, the defense plans to show that residents of Pensacola are more likely to use Google to search for terms like "orgy" than for "apple pie" or "watermelon."

Well yeah, the people into "apple pies" and "watermelons" are the real sickos. An orgy is harmless family fun compared to that shit.

The whole thing really makes you think, though, because the ACLU is all "yes we shouldn't throw pornographers in jail" but also "oh wait you're giving up search data to subpoenas should we be concerned?" Thankfully the tactic won't work anyway. In a federal obscenity case earlier this month, the defense proved conclusively that porn is more popular than college football but the pornographer was convicted on all counts.