'G.I. Joe' Movie Gets Three Teaser Posters, Porny New Subtitle

As we bide our time waiting for the inevitable $200 million feature adaptation of Captain N: The Game Master (Zac Efron, call your agent), Paramount has unveiled new details on its latest strip-mining of 80's nostalgia: G.I. Joe. Directed by failing-upward Stephen Sommers (Van Helsing), Joe is all set for a summer 2009 release, but that doesn't mean it's too soon to reveal three new teaser posters and a new, utterly superfluous subtitle: G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra. Sadly, none of the teaser posters show off the film's most curious bit of casting — Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Cobra Commander — though the film's new subtitle seems to hint that Cobra won't be donning his live-action costume until everyone's bullshit detectors receive a proper workout.

Posters (and reactions) after the jump!

'G.I. Joe' Movie Gets Three Teaser Posters, Porny New Subtitle


At left, we have Step Up star Channing Tatum as audiences are most used to seeing him: buried under several layers of clothes. Next to him is Snake Eyes. Though he looks reasonably cool, ninjas didn't help cartoon adaptation Speed Racer any. One suggestion to Sommers to avoid ninja ignominy: add more ninjas. And finally, at right, there's Sienna Miller uncomfortably slumming as Baroness. Coming so soon after Cate Blanchett's Eastern-accented Indiana Jones villainess, we can only hope that Miller, too, gets a chance to fight off CG monkeys while driving a Jeep.