Only when we accidentally stumble upon Ted Casablancas and his long-winded, sinewy blind items do we realize how sorely we’ve missed them. The painfully obvious hints, the ridiculous nicknames – and today, one of the first blind items we’ve read in a while that doesn’t out any closeted actors:
“Ms. Ferocity knows damn well if she keeps up the drugs like most of her addicted colleagues have, she’ll say buh-bye to everything she’s nabbed… that is why Fake à la employs some of Hell-Ay’s fanciest docs, their specialty being weaning famous folks off drugs via synthetic goodies that’ll make anybody’s bad day a tad more doable.”
Though Ted makes it crystal clear that Ms. Ferocity is the busting-at-the-seams Angelina Jolie, the idea that Jolie would risk turning the Chosen Two into heroin babies seemed out of the question until we heard yet another rumor that (gasp!), the cherubs not only have already been pushed out, but are holding on for dear life:
As we all fondly remember, People egregiously reported that the Chosen Two had been born an entire month ago, only to backtrack and look like idiots. But that hasn't stopped other gossip outlets from looking like idiots! As the NY Daily News reports today, "the premature infants are being secretly cared for in a French hospital. 'They're waiting till the babies are bigger and stronger before they allow anyone to take their picture,' contends a source." Coupled with Ted's seemingly too-sordid-to-be-true story, the idea that Jolie's couplet would be born a wee bit early due to "fancy docs" filling her up with meds to ward of 'drawls, the silly rumor becomes slightly easier to swallow. Until of course we hear the NYDN source's explanation for very recent photos showing Jolie still looking very pregnant: "Maybe it's a prosthetic tummy." Right. Jolie is high on horse tranquilizers, tending to sick infants in a hospital, and somehow found the time to custom-order a prosthetic Chosen Two bump. Color us cynics, but we remain unconvinced.
[Photo Source: Getty Images]