Papa Lohan's Voicemail Lies: 'Everything from now on is between you and me'

It remains to be seen whether Michael Lohan fathered a child—a 13-year-old half-sister for actress Lindsay Lohan—outside his marriage. (Michael Lohan's former girlfriend took more than a decade to press her claims; and he's taken a DNA test to prove his innocence.) Whatever. The 48-year-old former felon still ranks as Hollywood's worst celebrity father for another reason: an incredibly creepy voicemail which shows he lies to his troubled daughter. Even if you care nothing for the Lohans, it's worth a listen if only as a case study in awful showbiz parenthood.

Michael Lohan been jailed three times, for fraud and various parole violations; the born-again Christian's belligerence has landed him in a series of lurid confrontations with a garbage man, his brother-in-law at a relative's First Communion, and several men at a Scores strip club, where he also passed out drunk; and he's attempted to cash in on his daughter's name with various ill-begotten reality-show ideas; he also demanded half of former wife Dina's 15% management fee for handling Lindsay's career. But let's dismiss all this as bog-standard bad behavior by a white-trash showbiz parent. Here's what's inexcusable: he'll lie to his daughter while claiming he loves her.

In a voicemail recording that's made its way to our inbox, the Lohan patriarch promises his daughter he'll stop leaking to the press. Just a few weeks later, he exposed the actress's lesbian affair with deejay Samantha Ronson—a relationship rather more stable than that Lindsay Lohan has with either of her parents. He told Us Weekly in an email that the relationship with Ronson was "evident to anyone with half a brain." The part-time preacher said Lindsay Lohan could make her own life choices. "Then it is between her and God." (Here's Star's latest online look at the romance.)

Normally, we wouldn't bother with an attention-whoring showbiz parent. But just occasionally there's hard evidence of their parental failings; and this is one of those times. So listen to this disgustingly whiny voicemail left in April for the Mean Girls star (click thumb to play)—or read the transcript below:

"I've been trying to reach you for a week now. I know that you were annoyed that I gave an interview and my need to comment about the people you are around, and obviously you took offense to it. Honey, I'm sorry. I am telling you, I just love you. And I promise you, I absolutely promise you, I will not mention your name in the press, at all, ever again.

One of the reasons why I got so concerned is because we used to talk all the time. We were always texting, and then the texting was sporadic. You weren't returning phonecalls, so I was concerned. Look, I love you honey. Please, please don't do this anymore. Pick up the phone and talk to me. Everything from now on is between you and me. And I promise you, I will not go back on it, I will not break my word...

I promise you, I'll keep questions out of the press, when it comes to you I promise. Just please, please, honey, call me or pick up the phone. You need to promise me.

Back when everything was going in the right direction, and so a lot of the same things happening and you end up very worried about it. (And the whole reason why), when how things were, (......) were together, when you were climbing, and Mean Girls and ever since Herbie, when I was out of your life, everything started to unwind—all these things didn't do well—and so on, so forth. And how people are blaming me because you're not getting roles or something? (End Of Message)

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