Dorksplosion At The G4 Offices

When Meltdown Comics in LA announced a debate to determine which of 20 nerd icons would win in a fight, the G4 internal email list erupted in a brawl to rival The Kinslaying. G4, America's leading source for news about places that don't exist and video of women eating hot dogs, employs an astounding number of dorks whose steady diet of Final Fantasy and hot pockets have prepared them for nothing so much as this fight. Honest, from-the-heart dorkcraft of this level is a thing rarely experienced outside of the Society for Creative Anachronism's annual Pennsic war. You can almost smell the diabetes and gout as you read their impassioned arguments. Some choice quotes and the full bracket of 20 badass competitors after the jump.

So Meltdown's 20 seeds were all pretty impressive:

Lara Croft / Batman / Gandolf [sic]/ Enid (Ghostworld) / Aquaman / Captain America / Pikachu / Wolverine / Iron Man / Alan Quartermine / Superman / Alien Queen (Aliens) / Terminator / Voltron / Wonder Woman / Darth Vader / Hulk / Spiderman / Thing / Star Buck (Battle Star G) / The Father from the Movie Happiness / The Borg / Thor / Jason Vorhees / Bionic Woman / Cloverfield Monster / Predator / Chewbaca / Snake Eyes (GI Joe) / Mr. Myagi / Freddy Krueger / Forrest Whitaker as Idi Amin

Aside from the spelling issues (maybe they're used to spelling Gandalf's name in Tengwar), the big failure is not specifying Original Universe Starbuck or Re-imagined Universe Starbuck. Alan Quartermain, Enid Coleslaw, and The Father from Happiness are all classy choices, but the G4 nerds have little concern for style, immediately narrowing the list down to Voltron, Gandalf or Thor. Rob R. opens with a classic "this is stupid" gambit.

Rob R.: This contest is stupid.

Everyone on that list is mortal, except for Thor and Gandalf. You could possibly include Jason Vorhees and Freddy Krueger if you consider them some sort of transformed demonic creatures. But of these only Thor and Gandalf have any real God-like abilities. Since Gandalf is actually a demi-God (a Maia), Thor is clearly superior.

Thor is a God, therefore he can't be killed by mortals, so eventually he would win any combat. Gandalf would hold his own for a while, but as a demi-God (a Maia) he would not be as powerful as a full God. Although he could not be killed either, he could eventually be subdued and imprisoned by Thor.

Unfortunately, he trips over his knowledge of Norse god immortality, and the nerds begin to feed.

Gerry D: Part of the cycle of the Norse Gods is to experience Ragnarok (Viking apocalypse)... At which time, everything is renewed. Including Thor. Therefore, even if it were theoretically possible to defeat the Odinson, he would simply re-spawn, and possibly even angrier then when he was killed.

Matt K. : Only after a major continuity-borking crossover, though.

The conversation quickly dissolves into an argument about the respawn rate differences between Gandalf and Thor, then is destroyed by a Ragnarok-like picture of coffee.

Your picks for the winner of the Meltdown Tournament of Nerds, and your picks for which G4 dork would last longest in a Halo 3 rumble pit would be much appreciated.

[The Feed]