From the serried ranks of pundits parsing polling data on cable news after every primary election, you'd think we have enough political commentators, but Fox News thinks we need one who was in Threesome. Today Stephen Baldwin joined Laura Ingraham on her new show Just In where he helped explain why wrong-headed Hollywood elites are backing Obama. Presumably they didn't have enough time to explain how gays, illegal immigrants and the Fifth Amendment are conspiring to hand American prosperity over to the mullahs. Back in the mid-90's, when we still had uses for the full contingent of Baldwin brothers, Entertainment Weekly described him as "handsome despite the fact that his head is shaped like a wedge of cheese." But times turned tough for the non-Alec Baldwins, and during Stephen's years in the wilderness, he found Jesus, and now Jesus has gotten him a gig as a cable news politico.
Stephen found Jesus in the autumn of 2001, if you catch my meaning, and was converted by his Brazilian housekeeper. It really seems like if you're yelling "Oh, Jesus" with a Brazilian housekeeper, it should be for a better reason.
Not long after his conversion, Stephen started to rebuild his career through appearances as the shouty Christian on celebrity reality shows like Celebrity Mole Hawaii, Celebrity Mole Yucatan, and Ty Murray's Celebrity Bull Riding Challenge. Finally making his way onto Celebrity Apprentice, where he managed to talk about his faith constantly while stabing other competitors in the back.
Stephen's wackjob political notions include telling Bono "You would do far more good if you just preached the gospel of Jesus rather than trying to get rid of Third World debt relief." He also said, "I think what America needs more than anything is a leader who's honest, who's truly a man of faith, and who allows that faith to make his decisions with his common good sense," when he endorsed Sen. Sam Brownback for President. Clearly, this man is the heart of America's conservative movement.