Facebook's F8 schedule in plain English

Facebook released its schedule for its second annual F8 developers' conference on July 23. Facebook's servile, so-called independent developers have three tracks to choose from: "User Experience," "Technical," and "Business." If you work for a Facebook widgetmaker, you're probably confused, because who among you trying to build a business on the Facebook platform doesn't also need to be fully briefed on its user experience and technical aspects? To clarify, we've translated Facebook's description of each track out of verbose PRspeak.

  • Track 1: User Experience
  • Introducing the New Facebook Profile & More — Learn how to cope with us killing all the viral tricks you used to get users to add your applications.
  • Integrating Facebook Connect into your Website — See how easy it is to let our users use all your features and stay on our site, as our users. We're the platform; you're the app, bitch.
  • Building Great Applications on Facebook — We'll discuss guiding principles and best practices. For example: no more apps based on R.L. Stine characters.
  • Design and User Experience at Facebook — Hear directly from the Facebook Design team on how we think about design and how little we think of yours.
  • Track 2: Technical
  • Advanced App Building — It's easy to build a simple Facebook app in a couple hours, but you'll just be embarrassing yourself and annoying our users. In this talk, learning the caching features of FBML, advanced features of FBJS, smart uses of the API, and more.
  • Feed and Social Distribution — With the new Facebook profile, you won't be able to spam users into submission. Learn how to design great Feed stories!
  • Building to Facebook Scale — Facebook handles hundreds of millions of requests per day. Your apps probably can't. We'll try to help you fix that.
  • Made for Mobile — Mobile devices are opening up and creating new opportunities. For Apple iPhone developers. Why are you here?
  • Track 3: Business
  • Building a Business on Facebook / Metrics & Analytics — Learn everything about how to build a business on Facebook Platform from developers who are doing it. This way you'll believe its possible, and they'll be flattered by our attention.
  • Marketing your Application on Facebook — You've developed an application. Now what? This session will cover how to trick users into thinking their friends won't like them anymore if they don't install it.
  • Entrepreneurship on Facebook Platform — In this session you'll hear from industry luminaries in venture capital and seasoned, multi-company entrepreneurs who owe us favors or are living off past successes and have nothing else to do.
  • fbFund: A Look Inside — Seeding Opportunity on Facebook Platform — Learn about the inner workings of fbFund and see what the grant winners are developing so you can spend all your time copying them while some developer in Austin who stayed away from this pointless gabfest actually builds something no one else saw coming.