I've long wondered why the New York Times, perhaps the world's most sophisticated news-gathering operation, writes articles about fitness that would be an embarrassment to a fifth-grade PE class. Really now. Times readers were certainly grateful that the paper of record brought its unparalleled resources to bear to answer imponderables like "Does Weight Lifting Make A Better Athlete?", or "Should we stretch?" But perhaps such questions would better be left to, you know, the sense god gave a rock. I know the media wants us all fat and broke so we consume more media, but come on. Well, fuck it. I give up. Today they reveal that sweat cools you off:

I'll save you the trouble of reading this:

1. Sweat makes you cool.

2. When it is hot you get hot.

3. After a while you get used to it.

I challenge you to find another salient point in that article. In the meantime, get with the program, people:

Send an email to Hamilton Nolan, the author of this post, at Hamilton@gawker.com.