• By Hamilton Nolan
    Jul 8, 2008 10:29 AM 4,071
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    A Guide To The Media Methuselahs

    "I don't want to die. I love what I'm doing," said Viacom chief Sumner Redstone on CNBC yesterday. My, what a positive and also extremely sad quote! Coming from an old, old man like Redstone, it's more of a last-ditch prayer to Father Time than a peppy statement of on-the-job satisfaction. After the jump, a complete guide to the top five elderly figures in media moguldom. They're a cast that could end up having spent decades in power—probably because the younger counterparts who should be overtaking them decided to go into the tech industry on the West Coast instead (except Nick Denton). May these old men all live, um, a lot longer:

    Name: Sumner Redstone
    Age: 85
    Position: Chairman, National Amusements (Viacom, CBS, MTV, etc.)
    What kind of old man is he?: Befuddled
    Trick in staving off old age: Fights with daughters.
    Key quote: "I'm gonna fight death as long as I can. I like it here. I don't want to go anywhere else"
    Health threat: Face of porcelain

    Name: Rupert Murdoch
    Age: 77
    Position: Chairman, News Corp
    What kind of old man is he?: Vindictive
    Trick in staving off old age: A much younger wife.
    Key quote: "You can't be an outsider and be successful over 30 years without leaving a certain amount of scar tissue around the place."
    Health threat: Enveloped in skin folds.

    Name: Sam Zell
    Age: 66
    Position: Owner, Tribune Company
    What kind of old man is he?: Gnomish
    Trick in staving off old age: Fights with his employees.
    Key quote: "Fuck you [OLD AGE!]"
    Health threat: Balding

    Name: Barry Diller
    Age: 66
    Postion: Chairman and CEO, IAC
    What kind of old man is he?: Angry
    Trick in staving off old age: Fights with fellow businessmen.
    Key quote: "I thought they were talking about eye charts. I don't see anything full-blown." [On being called a "visionary"]
    Health threat: Tooth gappage.

    Name: Hugh Hefner
    Age: 82
    Postion: Owner, Playboy Enterprises
    What kind of old man is he?: Desperately youthful
    Trick in staving off old age: Parties, hordes of women, pajamas.
    Key quote: “In many ways, I'm younger than I was 20 years ago."
    Health threat: Priapism.


    Send an email to Hamilton Nolan, the author of this post, at Hamilton@gawker.com.