Two Big Losers Will Repair Your Image!

Is your brand in crisis? You may need the expert help of mega-PR firm Burson-Marsteller! The firm is run by public relations expert Mark Penn, who recently did a fantastic job selling Hillary Clinton to the nation until he had to quit as her top advisor because his firm met with the Colombian government to represent them on an issue the Clinton campaign had taken the opposite view of. Whoops! Then Hillary lost. So hey, Mark Penn understands why maybe you wouldn't turn to him to manage whatever PR disaster you're undergoing. Which is why he's brought on another superstar from the world of politics: Karen Hughes!

Karen Hughes "came to Washington with President George W. Bush as his communications director," but more recently she's famous for being a disastrous failure at the State Department, where she was assigned to manage a huge brand in the midst of a terrible crisis: the United States of America!

Hughes was named the "Undersecretary of State for Public Diplomacy and Public Affairs," which means that basically her job was to make Muslim nations love the US of A. She was sort of a spectacular failure, as she doesn't understand really anything about the Islamic world and is really much better at manhandling American journalists than, uh, diplomacy. She made a video with Cal Ripken, Jr. once though!

Now, years later, everyone hates America more every day, and Hillary Clinton's public image is an even sadder and more vicious caricature of female ambition than it was in 1992, so hey, hire Mark Penn and Karen Hughes to make America love your dolphin-raping corporation again.