Still Pregnant Angelina Jolie Demands Salmon, Refuses To Shower; Twins Understandably Stay Put

It seems that Nice's favorite "very, very nice" patient and her well-appointed womb has taken a turn toward Grumpyville. Nearing the end of her seemingly endless gestation period, Angelina Jolie has grown tired of her hospital/hotel and its Michelin Star-less menu and has started demanding that salmon be brought in from other Clooney-approved restaurants. And, more ominously, reports have surfaced that Jolie has abandoned her strict one-shower-a-day regimen. A collective gasp...

It's been a week since the hoards of press gathered at the Jolie-approved press conference to learn that nothing has happened, is happening, will happen for "weeks to come." And without vital information such as this, the media was forced to gather these stories from the next best source: disgruntled hospital staff.

"I think she's in meltdown mode. She's been getting upset if there's not enough ice in her glass."

To be fair, an adequate amount of ice, a perfect drink makes.

But far worse, Jolie has abandoned her typical Jolie behavior like tatoo-ing Mr. Jolie's back or proudly commending Maddox on his Charlton Heston-y ways and instead, has morphed into some sort of mousy-haired housewife from Kansas:

She's not walking around anymore. She doesn't even take a shower early in the morning. She just stays in bed, talking on her phone, typing on her computer, reading magazines and watching TV.

Luckily, Jolie will soon return to her Benetton-approved family and enjoy adequately iced beverages because the World's Most Important Pregnancy is scheduled to conclude via c-section on Tuesday.

"Shit," said the unborn twins.

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]