Okay. Until now, we’d tried to give Jessica Alba the benefit of the doubt. Sure, she’s impossible to watch in any movie she’s ever made, what with her amateur acting skills that include crafted facial expressions such as “I’m Happy, See, Because You Can See My Teeth!” and “I’m Sexy, See, Because You Can See My Bikini-Clad Butt!” And yes, she made pregnancy look like possibly the most miserable state of being, unlike all those other actresses who affected the standard Glow (see Naomi Watts and even Nicole Kidman, incapable of moving her face, yet still dewy and happy ‘til the arrival of her daughter Sunday). But after reading an excerpt from new mom Alba in next month’s UK Cosmo, we think it’s safe to say the actress, who insults all male actors, obsesses over her weight, and shows warning signs of early Husband Emasculation, is on her way to becoming the next Katherine Heigl:
Among the quips Alba sounds off on in the mag is an overly candid series of musings on that doggone baby weight: "I never felt less sexy...I mean, I wouldn't have changed it for the world ... but I wanted to get rid of all the weight." And this whole sexy trademark of hers that serves as the sole reason behind her fame? All show and no tell: "I always used to meet the wrong guys – the ones who wanted to hang out for a week and see how far they could get. If you didn't have sex in the first few days, you were either frigid or a lesbian. So I held out." Note to these guys: a simple viewing of Into The Blue is probably just as good as having to have actual sex with the sourpuss anyway. As for her non-pants-wearing hubby
No Cash Cash Warren? "I love that he's not an actor. I'm way too high maintenance to be in a relationship with an actor – they're all such divas!" Um, calling yourself a diva in the same breath as calling yourself high-maintenance? Heigl alert!
Maybe because she gave the interview to a Brit glossy, maybe because she's suffering from that silly glib disorder that served as a catalyst for the Brooke Shields/Tom Cruise War of the Mentally Unstable Worlds, or maybe Alba is just, simply, annoying. But her casual remarks on pregnancy and dating have earned her official membership in the two-member High And Mighty For No Reason club proudly presided over by the original unmerited diva herself, "Katie" Heigl.
[Photo credit: X17]