Reality TV Takes Turn For Worse, Goes To Dogs

This is the true story of twelve competitors, picked to live a house, compete in elimination challenges and have their lives taped, to find out what happens, when dogs stop being polite and start getting real. Yes, canines are the newest craze in reality television, and frankly, it's about time. Who wants to watch overly-tanned, underly-informed humans panting and smelling competitors asses, when you have the opportunity – no, privilege – to watch dogs do it? For a full 30 minutes! Allow CBS to present Greatest American Dog.

After the network deemed the unsuccessful runs of Pirate Master and Kid Nation too high brow for American viewers, Greatest American Dog will surely become the feather in its cap. GAD is a brilliant idea, because there's nothing more riveting than simultaneously playing ball with your dog while watching someone play ball with his dog on national television!

Each week, the lovable pups and their owners compete in a Dog Bone Challenge. The winner gets extra-special kibble served in their luxury suite, while the loser must 'ruff' it in the outdoor dog house. How compelling! Of course, no show can claim to be a reality show without including an elimination challenge, because elimination challenges are real. Each week, the dogs and owners are asked to perform in a Best In Show Challenge in front of a panel of distinguished judges. And if little Moochie or Hadley can't raise a paw on command, then he can kiss that future appearance on I Love New York goodbye. And, unfortunately, last night Michael and Boston terrier Esmerelda (call her Ezzie!) were sent to the dogs.

The last dog standing walks away with the title Greatest American Dog and $250,000, presumably to purchase a life-long (8 years!) supply of pig's ears and Peanut Puppers. Of course, with instant fame comes inevitable heartbreak, and our once floppy-eared pal will end up spending his days licking himself and doing meth. Or worse, he'll end up in a sex tape with one of Hilton's mutts.