Paul Janka's Class Act Does Not Impress Dudes

Sightings and anecdotes of creepy sexual compulsive/sexually aggressive dataholic Paul Janka are way funnier when written by a dude who could easily kick his ass. That's why we're pleased to bring you this very special Janka sighting from Cajun Boy, who spotted him in Madison Square Park, talking loudly into his cell. "You know how you can come in contact with someone, even from afar, and you just know all there is to know about them immediately, like within a matter of seconds?" he asks, before qualifying Janka as a "cheesedick." Why, yes; yes we do. The overheard phrase that caught his attention? "Whenever I'm at home and I have a girl in my bed..."

"Earlier tonight, at about a quarter till eleven to be precise, I headed over to Shake Shack in Madison Square Park for a burger (little tip...if you ever want a SS burger and wish to avoid standing in line for an hour, walk up a few minutes before closing time...I usually get my food in under 10 minutes.) I entered the park on the east side at 24th street and was walking down through the park to get my food when I suddenly heard the voice of a man sitting on one of the benches along the walkway. He spoke very loudly, almost as if he were intentionally projecting in the hope that everyone in the park and its vicinity would hear his words...

"Whenever I'm at home and I have a girl in my bed..."

My immediate reaction, before even glancing over in his direction to get a look at him, was that this guy, whoever he was, was the Babe Ruth of cheesedicks. You know how you can come in contact with someone, even from afar, and you just know all there is to know about them immediately, like within a matter of seconds? Well that's what happened here, all within the span of a few walking steps. I made a snap judgment on this guy, someone who obviously wanted everyone to know that he has sex WITH GIRLS, and he screamed one thing...

Cheesedick.

And then I actually looked over in his direction as I passed him and had my snap judgment confirmed. Who should be sitting on a bench in Madison Square Park on this fine Monday night bloviating about his sexual relations? Well it was none other than your boy, Paul Fucking Janka!!!

Janka was with another guy, presumably his wing, and two youngish looking girls, one white and one black. After I placed my order, I drifted back into the area of Janka and his crew to eavesdrop. I got the impression that Janka and his buddy had just met the two girls. It also seemed to me that the girls were either visiting NYC or had recently moved here. One of them even had her suitcase with her in the park. I couldn't help but feel sorry that they'd been cornered by this cartoonish twat. What a great first impression of New York men! And does he ever talk about anything other than sex?

So then my little buzzer thingie went off signifying that my order was ready. After I picked it up, I headed out of the park taking the same route in which I entered. As I passed Janka and his crew, the girls appeared to be saying their goodbyes. The last thing I heard was a male voice asking for a phone number, followed by this question...

"We're all still friends here, right?"

In that moment I wondered just how many Paul Janka goodbyes had previously ended with the same question."

Thanks, Cajun! Everyone else—be sure to send in your sightings, if you are unfortunate enough to have them.