Bret Michaels Set To Gift Third 'Rock Of Love' Soulmate With Future In MySpace Famewhoredom

Sometimes we don't know whether to thank VH1 for trying to "find true love" for washed up musicians or to strangle them for forcing us through yet another round of Bret Michaels: Rock Of Love (working title: Rock Of Love: Really, I'll Do Anyone At This Point). Yes, that sad series partially responsible for rendering all glass ceilings unbreakable is back and, this time, well, no, he's probably still not serious. Why so cynical? Well, his last "winner," 99-year old Chicago anchor chick Ambre Lake, lasted just under a day. But she did get the chance to really pimp her MySpace profile with dirty pics, exclamation mark-happy updates on Bret's CW appearances (!!!), and a heartfelt blog entry promising the "3rd time will be a charm!!!" Yes, spelling-challenged Ambre, we bet it will. You know, because this time, all the barely clothed contestants will be forced to live in...wait for it...the same tightly confined tour bus! If you don't smell love in the air, you've been dipping in to too many of these "ladies"' stashes:

According to VH1's clever press release, adorned with just as many giddy enthusiastic announcements punctuated by everyone's favorite online stupidity signifier (the! exclamation!! point!!!), the new Rock Of Love: Bus With Bret Michaels edition is far more exciting than its predecessors because the contestants will face challenges dealing with "the ultimate rock and rollers' test: life on the road!" So, instead of being forced to wear laughably too-tight football uniforms or perform public lap dances in tacky lingerie boutiques for the world's sexiest man to ever wear that much collagen on his face without shame, the troubled young things will get to prove their groupie gusto by, well, playing groupies. "Dodging the warm-up band's advances," "greeting aggressive" fans "with a smile," and, shit — we spoke too soon. In the finest example of what our great nation does best, the busty dingbats will still have the joy of participating in Mud Bowl 3. Why? It's "back by popular demand!!!!!!!!!"