"Driving a Vespa To Mars"

Get in line, the bread's here. But only six of you are going to get any. Why? Because these are hard times and experiments have failed, and theories are grand but practice is hard work. So put out those little mitts of yours and trudge after the jump to see who eats this week.

  • From Aaron Altman in Race Baiting Media Whore Is a Credible Source To One Dumb Paper:

    "Dear Newspapers:

    There are still journalistic tenets to uphold, whether you are a free newspaper or not. Why must the new media keep schooling your fucking asses like this? Do you really, really think that your readers don't fucking care that you can't go around flouting basic reporting rules like 1) Checking your sources; 2) Factchecking; 3) Running your shit story by a goddamned editor who still gives a fuck that he or she is working at a fucking newspaper, that last bastion of objectivity in a very subjective world, for fuck's sake?

    Newsies, please. I went to school for this shit. I bought textbooks. I was taught by former writers and editors, producers and reporters how to do this shit and do it right. Then I went out into the world and got myself a job, a news job, and did that shit right. Or at the very least put myself through the fucking paces so that whatever ended up on the air - or, in your case, on the front fucking page of amajor daily newspaper - was correct, and at the very least covered from all sides.

    'I sold a stupid t-shirt. Someone got beat up and now they're gonna sue me' is NOT FUCKING GOOD ENOUGH. FOR FUCK'S SAKE. BE A NEWSPAPER.

    Love,

    Your adoring public "

  • From the recently demoted Private Hangnail in Today's News In a Word Cloud:

    "Is it me, or does this Word Cloud make us all look very, very stupid?" -Yes.
  • From MattGaymon in The New Yorker's Tasteless Cover:

    "I'd be pretty psyched if someone drew me as Angela Davis."
  • From karion in Bright-Eyed Young Literary Woman Leaves New York in Disgust:

    "The odd thing is, there are all these fish crammed into a fishbowl and everyone complains about being in a fishbowl and all that, but in reality, no one is paying attention to the fish except the other fish.

    Whatever, Sheila, you should be fired. "

  • From Botswana Meat Commission in Will HuffPo Pay Its Bloggers Some Mythical Day in the Future?:

    "She looks exactly how I imagine the Huffington Post would look in human form."
  • Your Party Pick this week goes to your friend and mine, dear old KarenUhOh who waxed rhapsodic in Julia TV: Confirmed:

    "I give up. Time to give credit where due. Deserved or not, hypnotic or idiotic, this woman has nailed the more-with-less equivalent of driving a Vespa to Mars."
  • Beautiful job all. Enjoy your weekends. Oh, and you should take a listen to that sad hipster Footloose cover. Some of it is actually quite lovely. Also, this:

    Update: Belated Commie from Pareene.