• We found Banksy!
• We discovered the terrible secret of Madonna!
• This happened.
• We came in your ear.
• We didn't sell our kids.
• Hasn't the damn Bohemian Grove story been written ten thousand times already? Whatever.
• Also there was this.
• Maybe we should go into television? Or hey we hear you can't go wrong in newspapers!
• Oh, and this is still going on.
• Everyone is a Nazi.
• If you do enough drugs, someday you might get a plum gig at the Times! Or you will end up on a Digg-bait listicle.
• Oh, right. A magazine printed a funny cartoon. It upset Wolf Blitzer. And maybe others? We wrote more lists. Then racism got solved, the end.
• The culture was is over. Begun, the comment wars have. Soon the monsters will eat us so whatever. We need to get to a barbecue. INOCHI!

Send an email to Alex Pareene, the author of this post, at alexp@gawker.com.