"So many people are trying to make a statement by hiring bodyguards," one bicoastal club owner tells W magazine. "They want the stares and the whispers. It's ostentatious." Well, we always tell our guys to keep a low profile, but I suppose we're a bit more cultured than most. The magazine explores the etiquette of bodyguard-having in a new article-which, like having bodyguards, is primarily motivated by a desire to be ostentatious. But it does have some valuable clues as to which celebrities are the worst self-important assholes:

"We've turned down Shaq for wearing sneakers," says a Las Vegas PR director. "Then Diddy shows up the other night with a guard who's wearing shorts and sneakers. Diddy was hosting an event, and he wouldn't enter without his guy. So we had to let him in, but it's obnoxious."

Especially when Karl Lagerfeld's guards all wear Dior.

"Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymore-they'll come with no one." By contrast, in her latest malfunction, Janet Jackson drew glares when her guards accompanied her inside the Metropolitan Museum's Costume Institute gala in May. "Even the Beckhams leave their guys outside that event!"