David Carr Potato Metaphor Scandal!

Crackhead-turned Times reporter success story David Carr is loved by media types for being a cool guy, and is basking in the generally positive public attitude towards his upcoming memoir. But everything is not well in Carr's world. Oh no. Just as Carr has found the strength to open up to the world about his past drug use, an even bigger scandal threatens to overwhelm him: his incurable fondness for potatoes.

David Blum at the NY Press uncovers a disturbing pattern of ongoing metaphor abuse that makes Carr appear to be a man at the end of his rope. We can only hope that this moment of clarity serves as a wake up call to him and all those who enable his root vegetable comparison habit. Here are Blum's findings, all taken from Carr's own work-starting with his current book and stretching back four long years:

Describing himself:

"Far from clinically handsome, I have a face that looks like it could have been carved out of mashed potatoes, and my idea of exercise was running the length of my body."

"….with a face made out of potatoes, the Photoshopped picture will have to go a long way to make me any uglier than I actually am."

"With a face that looks as if it were crafted out of mashed potatoes and a voice that sounds like a trash compactor that needs oil, I'm not a natural for television…"

About Tim Russert:

"He had a face that seemed to be carved out of potatoes, but he worked on television by working harder than your average talking head…"

Describing actors:

"To the Bagger's eye, [Daniel Craig] has a face made out of potatoes-although the rest of him seems to be made out of titanium…"

"Directors tend to focus on [Steve] Buscemi's visage, shooting his face so it looks something like what might happen to a bowl of mashed potatoes if it were sculptured [sic] by an ax."

"And Detective Sipowicz [Dennis Franz], with a face that looks as if it were carved out of potatoes and the body style of a greeter at Home Depot, was an unlikely hero."

About author Joe McGinniss:

"[McGinniss] had an old cap set against the Sunday morning sun, a handsome Irish face that could have been carved out of potatoes, and a glint of tragedy in his eyes."

SEEK HELP.

[NY Press; pic via NY Mag]