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You've waited two years for this (or maybe you haven't), but if the thought of watching the election returns at home tonight depresses you, rest assured that nearly every bar or restaurant in the city will be tuned into the coverage. Many will be offering silly drink specials and silly live performances, too! After the jump, a long list of events at a bar or restaurant near you where you'll be able to celebrate or mourn, depending on what happens.

Southern Hospitality
1460 2nd Ave.
Open bar from 7 to 8, $2 "donkey" and "elephant" shots, and an election-night menu featuring "McCain and cheese" and "Barack O'Burgers."
Cost: Free. Begins at 7

353 West 14th St.
Election Night '08 Watch Party co-hosted by Planned Parenthood. Drink and food specials and improv commentary.
Cost: Free. Begins at 6:30

Le Poisson Rouge
158 Bleecker St.
Election Night Extravaganza features the Obama Girls of Comedy while returns roll on the big screen TVs.
Cost: Free. Begins at 7

Professor Thom's
219 2nd Ave.
Party co-hosted by Drinking Liberally and Booze & Yarn will show election results on big screens alongside a free knitting class (for de-stressing if your candidate is losing, obvs).
Cost: Free. Begins at 8:30

China 1
50 Ave. B
Partiers can watch the election coverage in their PJs at the Obama Pajama Party.
Cost: $3. Begins at 6:30

The Skinny
174 Orchard St.
15 percent of the bar proceeds go toward amfAR.
Cost: Free

137 Ludlow St.
2-for-1 and $5 politically-themed drink specials.
Cost: Free. Begins at 7

105 First Ave.
Specialty McCain, Palin, and Joe the Plumber cocktails, free bar food.
Cost: $12 per cocktail

Blue Seats
157 Ludlow St.
A bipartisan election night party with $5 vodka specials.
Cost: Free

Tom & Jerry's
288 Elizabeth St.
Flavorpill NY is hosting a "democratically debaucherous" soiree.
Cost: Free. Begins at 7

Back Room
102 Norfolk St.
Hosted by the Public Assembly, the Obama Said Knock You Out election night party includes live coverage, a 2-for-1 happy hour, and free fried chicken and waffles from Jimmy's Diner.
Cost: $5. Begins at 8

Thom Bar
60 Thompson St.
$5 "Blue Baracks" and $10 "Red Mavericks" cocktails.
Cost: Free. Begins at 7

Women's National Republican Club Headquarters
3 West 51st St.
Party with the New York Young Republicans.
Cost: Free for members, $35 for non-members

59 West 21st St.
Rock the Vote party featuring celebrity guests and specialty cocktails.
Cost: Free

Duffy Square
Times Square
CNN Worldwide will be hosting a "viewing party" outdoors in Times Square.
Cost: Free

People's Improv Theater
154 West 29th St.
Performances by comedians like VH1's Leslie Collins while the returns come in.
Cost: Free. Begins at 7

New World Stages
340 West 50th St.
Democratic Leadership for the 21st Century claims to be hosting the city's biggest election night party, with dozens of plasma screens, three bars, and a theater within the venue, where you can watch the returns in a "quiet room with full sound."
Cost: $5

New Museum
235 Bowery
Political trivia games for prizes.
Cost: $15 for members, $20 for non-members

Santos Party House
100 Lafayette St.
Performance by Q-Tip.
Cost: $10. Begins at 10

225 East Houston St.
MTV Choose or Lose party with DJs Beverly Bond and Misbehavior.
Cost: Free

Wicked Willys
149 Bleecker St.
Politically-themed drink specials.
Cost: Free

Storefront For Art and Architecture
97 Kenmare St.
All-night election vigil in the gallery with CNN on the projection screen.
Cost: Free

Olive Tree Cafe
117 MacDougal St.
Colin Quinn and other Comedy Cellar regulars will provide commentary throughout the night.
Cost: $10 minimum

Kelly's Sports Bar
12 Ave. A
A fete for Libertarians and their fans.
Cost: Free

Village Pourhouse (Downtown and UWS)
64 Third Avenue at 11th St. and 982 Amsterdam Ave.
Free Bud Light for anyone wearing red or blue; beer specials all night long.
Cost: $11.04

Pratt Manhattan Gallery
144 West 14th St.
Music by DJ Kid Magic and stand-up comedy with Angry Bob.
Cost: Free

1 East 15th St.
Specialty cocktails, complimentary hors d'oeuvres.
Cost: Free

Exit Art
475 10th Ave.
Open bar from 7-9 p.m. as welll as live entertainment.
Cost: $10

Fashion 40
202 West 40th St.
Happy hour specials, full menu, DJs.
Cost: Free

Election Night; Where to Drink When You’ll Need It the Most [NYM]
Eater Maps: Worthwhile Election Night Watching [Eater]
Election night party [Metromix]
Election Night: Where to Watch [Gothamist]