Paris Hilton's Family Spanks McCainJust as we suspected, the Hilton family is pretty pissed they donated money to John McCain only to have him make their little Paris out to be some kind of trivial celebutard in an anti-Obama attack ad. Between Paris Hilton's parents and her grandpa, the family has donated close to $60,000 to McCain and a Republican party senate fund over the past few years. And yet they apparently got zero corrupting influence in return! What's the point of even being a Republican plutocrat? The Hilton patriarch has dispatched a series of angry telegrams to McCain headquarters demanding answers:

I hear whispers from the inner campaign staff that the phone was burning off the hook today with calls from Paris Hilton's grandfather, William Barron Hilton (co-chair of the Hilton Hotel empire), furious that the McCain ad drew an unflattering comparison between Obama and his own granddaughter.

The Barroner, as he's maybe called, was no doubt wondering why the McCainiacs would imply that fragile young Paris is a vapid elitist like Barry "Islam" Nobama, just because she (similarly) lies, hates cute animals, drives drunk and is psuedo-beloved by aristocrats at Harvard. Please! Everyone knows she avoids the gross poors whenever possible, especially in Africa, where Barack was trained.

[Martin Eisenstadt]